singing to a piano accompaniment.  The woman’s voice seemed very beautiful, and so strongly impressed him that he fell in love with her and longed to embrace her sexually.  This secret attachment was much more romantic than sensual, though the idea of embracing the woman seemed to T. a natural part of the romance.  He was beginning to invest the sex with angelic qualities.  The thought of his adventure with the servant no longer caused repulsion, but rather pleasure.  He reflected that if he could meet the girl now he could be very fond of her and understand things better.  At this time he had not masturbated, nor even heard of the practice.  One day, while playing with a girl of his own age, he succeeded in overcoming her shyness and induced her to expose herself, at the same time uncovering his own sexual parts.  On this occasion and once afterward he succeeded in penetrating the vulva.  Both he and the girl experienced imperfect enjoyment.

At boarding-school, where he was sent at 10, T. learned the vulgar phrases for sexual organs and sexual acts, and acquired the habit of moderate masturbation.  Coarse talk and indecent jests about the opposite sex were common amusements of the playroom and dormitories.  At first the obscene conversation was very distasteful; later he became more used to it, but thought it strange that sex intimacy should be a subject for ridicule and jest.

He began to read love-stories and think much about girls.  At the same time he learned the nature of “the sin of fornication,” and wondered why it should be considered so heinous.  Parts of the Bible condemning intercourse between the unmarried alarmed him.  Being of a serious as well as emotional and amorous nature, he became converted to evangelic belief.  His mother warned him to beware of unclean companions at school.  He tried to act as a Christian and think only pure thoughts about women.  The talk, however, was always of girls and of being in love.  His mind was often engrossed with amatory ideas of a poetic, sensuous nature, his sexual experiences having a firm hold on his imagination, while they gave him gratifying assurance of actual knowledge concerning things merely imagined by most of his companions.

    His health was vigorous and he keenly enjoyed all outdoor games
    and excelled in daring and schoolboy mischief.

At 12 he fell deeply in love with a girl of corresponding age.  He never felt any powerful sexual desire for his sweetheart, and never attempted anything but kissing and decorous caresses.  He liked to walk and sit with the girl, to hold her hand, and stroke her soft hair.  He felt real grief when separated from her.  His thoughts of her were seldom sensual.  A year or so afterward he had a temporary passion for a woman of 30, who used to flirt with him and allow kissing.  T. thought her queen-like and very lovely, and wished to be her knight.