Friday.—­In Lords to-night, Irish Land Purchase Bill read Second Time, after series of essays delivered by half dozen Peers.  Point of honour not to take less than one hour in delivery.  DERBY brought down his contribution nicely written out on quarter sheets.  Whilst ASHBOURNE declaiming, DERBY seized opportunity to read his speech over to himself.  This all very well if he had strictly carried out intention, but, when he grew so interested in it as to mumble passages in an audible voice, situation grew embarrassing.  At last KIMBERLEY, who sat near, gently nudged him.  “One at a time, my dear DERBY,” he whispered.  “We know you’re accustomed to dual action.  DARBY and JOAN, you know; but won’t do here.”

DERBY blushed, and thrust manuscript in pocket till his turn came, when he had the pleasure of reading it aloud.

Business done.—­Irish Land Bill through Lords; Public Health Bill in Commons.

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MISS NOMER.

[Illustration:  Tree in Hamlet.]

Now why was The Dancing Girl ever called The Dancing Girl at all?  As a matter of fact she never did dance, and from last week’s advertisements we find that she has been “running” ever since her first appearance.  Now she’s off for another run in the provinces, and then back again.  Quite a theatrical illustration of the sporting term “running in and out.”  And when Mr. BEERBOHM TREE is in the provinces he is to appear as the Prince of Denmark.

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THE PURCHASE-OFFICERS’ GUIDE TO THE ARMY.

(Arranged in Question and Answer Form.)

Question.  I may take it that the backbone of the British Army (especially in the time of peace) are those commissioned warriors who obtained admission to the Service by paying for their footing?

Answer.  Indeed you may.

Q. And, at the time when these warriors were admitted, I fancy the scientific branches of the Force (the “Gunners” and the “Sappers”) were rather looked down upon than otherwise?

A. Certainly, for you see they obtained their Commissions by brains, and not through money-bags.

Q. And now you have to complain that the Generals’ Establishment has been reduced from 275 to 68?

A. A scandal and a shame!  For this means that only a certain number of us can hope to wear sashes round the waist, instead of hanging down from the left shoulder.

Q. Does not promotion by selection, instead of seniority, cause you also considerable loss?

A. Unquestionably.  The Purchase Officer had a right to suppose that once gazetted he would go up to the top of the tree, always supposing he was able to pay his way like an officer and a gentleman.

Q. Is it not also sad that Officers who accept half-pay should be called upon to serve in the Auxiliary Forces?