Bah!  Minds made sane by Music’s scrapes and squalls? 
    Not mine, though the lyre-thrumber were Arion. 
  Drums, trumpets, fiddles, organs—­all are bad. 
    And vocal fireworks are far worse than vanity. 
  Stop, though! I’m sane, and they just drive me mad;
    So Music may drive idiots into sanity!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  AT A SMOKING CONCERT.

Distinguished Amateur (with good Method but small Voice, suddenly jumping up from Piano).  “LOOK HERE, ALGY.  I DO CALL IT BEASTLY BAD FORM FOR YOU AND SIKES TO TALK WHEN I’M SINGING!”

Algy.  “ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN—­AWFULLY SORRY—­DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE SINGING, YOU KNOW!”]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Tuesday, June 23, 12’15 A.M.—­House just adjourned; a little dazed by shock of narrow escape from grievous danger.  Been at it through greater part of night debating Second Reading of Education Bill.  JULIUS ’ANNIBAL PICTON led off with speech of fiery eloquence.  The SQUIRE of MALWOOD declares he never listens to J.A.P. without an odd feeling that there have been misfits.  Both his voice and his gestures are, he says, too large for him.  But that, as ALGERNON BORTHWICK shrewdly points out, is professional jealousy supervening on the arrogance of excessive stature.  The SQUIRE, though not lacking in moods of generosity, cannot abear a rival in the oratorical field.  Had things turned out differently to-night, he might have enjoyed the advantage of addressing House at this favourable hour, whilst its withers were yet unwrung.

[Illustration:  Sir Algernon.]

But JULIUS ’ANNIBAL has not studied his great ancestor’s strategy for nothing.  As soon as Second Reading of Education Bill appeared on the paper, he romped in, and put down Amendment.  Needn’t move it; didn’t mean to move it; doesn’t move it; but he gets first place in principal Debate of Session, and shows himself worthy of it by the luminous argument and almost passionate eloquence of his oration.

It wasn’t that the House was disturbed about.  The particular incident arose a quarter of an hour before midnight, when CRANBORNE suddenly got up and moved Adjournment of Debate.  J.A. had bowled him and others over in the earlier part of the Sitting; but there was a second night, and the HOPE of HATFIELD determined he would collar that.  Had the Motion for Adjournment been accepted, he would, in accordance with usage, have opened the ball when the House met again once more, fresh, and in the mood to listen.  But JOKIM objected to losing the quarter of an hour.

“We can,” he said, pleasantly, “bear another speech.”