One of the necessary Features of a refined Joint is the Slender Thing who is taking Music and has Mommer along to fight off the Managers and hush the Voice of Scandal.  This Boarding-House had one of these Mother-and-Child Combinations that was a Dream.  Daughter was full of Kubelik and Josef Hoffman.  Away back in the Pines somewhere there was a Father who was putting up for the Outfit.  Mother’s Job seemed to be to sit around and Root.  She was a consistent little Booster.  If what Mother said was true, then Effie’s Voice was a good deal better than it sounded.  She said the Teachers were just crazy about it and all of them agreed that Effie ought to go to Paris or Milan.  The slangy Boy with the rag-time Shirt went them one better, and said that all of the phoney Melbas in the country ought to pull for the Old Country and wait until they were sent for.

[Illustration:  The Old Boarder.]

In this same Boarding-House there was a Widow whose husband had neglected to die.  Being left all alone in the World she had gone out to make her Way, since which time she had gained about 30 pounds and was considered Great Company by the Young Men.

Necessarily there was a Pale Lady who loved to read, and who stuck to the Patterns that appeared in Godey’s Magazine soon after the War.

Then there was the Married Couple, without any Children or Furniture of their own, and the only reason they didn’t take a House was that Henry had to be out of Town so often.  Henry’s Salary had been whooped $500 a Year and she was just beginning to say Gown instead of Dress.  She had the Society Column for Breakfast and things looked Dark for Henry.

For many months this conventional Group of ordinary 6-7/8 Mortals had lived in a Rut.  At each meal-time they rounded up and mechanically devoured what was doled out to them and folded their Napkins and broke Ranks.  Each day was the Duplicate of another and Life had petered down to a Routine.

One Evening just as they had come in for their Vermicelli, a new Boarder glided into their midst.  She was a tall Gypsy Queen with about $1,200 worth of Clothes that fit her everywhere and all the time, and she had this watch-me kind of a Walk, the same being a Cue for all the other Girls to get out their Hardware.

When she moved up to the Table and began to distribute a few sample Smiles, so as to indicate the Character of her Work, the musical Team went out with the Tide, the Grass Widow curled up like an Autumn Leaf, the touch-me-not Married Lady dropped into the Scrub Division.  The Lady who read was shy a Spoon and afraid to ask for it.  The Men were all google-eyed, and the Help was running into Chairs and dropping important parts of the Menu.

Presently the Landlady came in and explained.  She said that Mrs. Williams was in the City to shop for a couple of Days, and her Husband would be up on the Night Train.  Whereupon five men fell under the Table.