Podbury (gloomily).  There were only two seats on that coach, and they wouldn’t wait for the next.  I don’t know why, unless it was that they saw you coming down the steps.  She can’t stand you at any price.

Culch. (with some heat).  Just as likely she had had enough of your buffoonery!

Podb. (with provoking good humour).  Come, old chap, don’t get your shirt out with me.  Not my fault if she’s found out you think yourself too big a swell for her, is it?

Culch. (hotly).  When did I say so—­or think so?  It’s what you’ve told her about me, and I must say I call it—­

Podb. Don’t talk bosh!  Who said she was forward and bad form and all the rest of it in the courtyard that first evening?  She was close by, and heard every word of it, I shouldn’t wonder.

Culch. (colouring).  It’s not of vital importance if she did. (Whistling.) Few-fee-fee-foo-foodle-di-fee-di-fa-foo.

Podb. Not a bit—­to her.  Better step out if we mean to catch that train. (Humming.) La-di-loodle-lumpty-leedle-um-ti-loo!

[They step out, PODBURY humming pleasantly and CULCHARD whistling viciously, without further conversation, until they arrive at Braine l’Alleud Station—­and discover that they have just missed their train.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE TWO EMPERORS; OR, THE CHRISTIAN CZAR AND THE HEATHEN CHINEE.]

* * * * *

TWO EMPERORS;

OR, THE CHRISTIAN CZAR AND THE HEATHEN CHINEE.

[A decree issued by the Emperor of CHINA (in connection with the recent anti-foreign agitation in that country) points out that the relations between the Chinese and the foreign missionaries have been those of peace and goodwill, and that the Christians are protected by treaty and by Imperial edicts, and commands the Governors and Lieutenant-Governors to protect the Christians and put down the leaders in the riots.]

  Many writers remark,—­
    And their language is plain,
  That for cruelty dark,
    And for jealousy vain,
  The Heathen Chinee is peculiar,—­
    In future perhaps they’ll refrain.

  AH-SIN has his faults,
    Which one cannot deny;
  And some recent assaults
    On the mis-sion-a-ry,
  Have been worthy of—­say Christian Russia,
    When dealing with small Hebrew fry.

  But the EMPEROR seems stirred
    Persecution to bar,
  Which it might be inferred
    That I mean the White CZAR;
  But I don’t.  On the Muscovite CAESAR
    Such charity clearly would jar.

  He’s always the same,
    And he’ll not stay his hand;
  The poor Jews are fair game
    In a great “Christian” Land;
  But the Lord of the Pencil Vermilion
    Rebukes his fanatical band.