“And thus are our laws made!” said SHIRESS WILLS, throwing out his hands in astonishment.

[Illustration:  “Thus are our Laws made!”]

Certainly a narrow escape.  It was after this that KEAY’s patent-leather boots glistened on the floor of House as he walked up to take seat below Gangway.  Determined to make up for lost time; led astray in all directions; SPEAKER called him to order with increasing sternness; HENNIKER HEATON asked if he might move that for rest of Session he be no longer heard; SPEAKER evidently sorely tempted; here was a short sure way out of the difficulty.  Faltered a moment, then rose heroically to sense of duty; put aside proposal, and KEAY went on again for another half-hour.  “A long rigmarole,” JOKIM called the speech.  This not Parliamentary, but no one objected.

Business done.—­Land Purchase Bill got ready for Royal Assent.

Friday.—­Nothing can exceed MORTON’s obliging disposition; talked for half an hour just now on subject of fortune-telling.  Members can’t prevent ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS from making speeches, but they needn’t listen; so kept up lively conversation whilst ALPHEUS talked to CLEOPHAS.  When he sat down, it appeared he had desired that his remarks should reach ear of Home Secretary; concluded by asking question; MATTHEWS unwarily protested, that, owing to noise in House, he had not been able to catch the drift of the Hon. Gentleman’s remarks.

“Oh, very well,” said ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS, “I’ll repeat them.”

“No! no!” MATTHEWS almost shrieked.

“No trouble at all,” said ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS, and he set off again, making his speech once more. Business done.—­Very little.

* * * * *

FOR THE BENEFIT OF ZOILUS.

SHAKSPEARE speaks of “the maiden virtue of the Crown.”  And the word “maiden” bears, in certain constructions, the meanings, “fresh, new, youthful, &c.”  But when Mr. Punch, comparing generally “Fifty Years Syne” with To-day, says:—­

  “Then HER MAJESTY, a Maiden Queen, fresh graced the Throne,”

“A SEPTUAGENARIAN” acidly objects, and twits Mr. Punch with premature failure of memory.  “Aha!  I know that man!” says Mr. P. Mr. Punch, of course, merely meant that about fifty years ago HER MAJESTY was a very youthful Sovereign.  Moreover, the comparison made between “Then and Now” was not intended to be confined rigorously to “July 17, 1841,” as is shown in the previous stanza, which says:—­

  “Then TOM HOOD could sing that Song which moved a world to tears,”

meaning “The Song of the Shirt,” which, as explained in a footnote, was not published until 1843.  Had Mr. Punch written with the fear of ZOILUS before his eyes, he might have appended another foot-note, to explain—­for the benefit of ZOILUS—­that he did not mean to convey the idea that HER MAJESTY was unmarried when he first made his appearance.  Whereto the reply of the Public—­all but ZOILUS—­would probably have been, “Whoever supposed you did?”