is, you think!  Sometimes, by Jove, you pick one out by chance, thinking to leave it to fate...  But meantime a fellow-creature’s dying, and another doctor would have saved him.  ’We must have a consultation,’ you say; ’I will not take the responsibility on myself.’  And what a fool you look at such times!  Well, in time you learn to bear it; it’s nothing to you.  A man has died—­but it’s not your fault; you treated him by the rules.  But what’s still more torture to you is to see blind faith in you, and to feel yourself that you are not able to be of use.  Well, it was just this blind faith that the whole of Aleksandra Andreyevna’s family had in me; they had forgotten to think that their daughter was in danger.  I, too, on my side assure them that it’s nothing, but meantime my heart sinks into my boots.  To add to our troubles, the roads were in such a state that the coachman was gone for whole days together to get medicine.  And I never left the patient’s room; I could not tear myself away; I tell her amusing stories, you know, and play cards with her.  I watch by her side at night.  The old mother thanks me with tears in her eyes; but I think to myself, ‘I don’t deserve your gratitude.’  I frankly confess to you—­there is no object in concealing it now—­I was in love with my patient.  And Aleksandra Andreyevna had grown fond of me; she would not sometimes let any one be in her room but me.  She began to talk to me, to ask me questions; where I had studied, how I lived, who are my people, whom I go to see.  I feel that she ought not to talk; but to forbid her to—­to forbid her resolutely, you know—­I could not.  Sometimes I held my head in my hands, and asked myself, “What are you doing, villain?"...  And she would take my hand and hold it, give me a long, long look, and turn away, sigh, and say, ’How good you are!’ Her hands were so feverish, her eyes so large and languid...  ‘Yes,’ she says, ’you are a good, kind man; you are not like our neighbours...  No, you are not like that...  Why did I not know you till now!’ ‘Aleksandra Andreyevna, calm yourself,’ I say...  ’I feel, believe me, I don’t know how I have gained ... but there, calm yourself...  All will be right; you will be well again.’  And meanwhile I must tell you,” continued the doctor, bending forward and raising his eyebrows, “that they associated very little with the neighbours, because the smaller people were not on their level, and pride hindered them from being friendly with the rich.  I tell you, they were an exceptionally cultivated family; so you know it was gratifying for me.  She would only take her medicine from my hands ... she would lift herself up, poor girl, with my aid, take it, and gaze at me...  My heart felt as if it were bursting.  And meanwhile she was growing worse and worse, worse and worse, all the time; she will die, I think to myself; she must die.  Believe me, I would sooner have gone to the grave myself; and here were her mother and sisters watching me, looking into my eyes ... and their faith in me