“There may be advocates for matrimonial obedience, who, making a distinction between the duty of a wife and of a human being, may blame my conduct.—­To them I write not—­my feelings are not for them to analyze; and may you, my child, never be able to ascertain, by heart-rending experience, what your mother felt before the present emancipation of her mind!

“I began to write a letter to my father, after closing one to my uncle; not to ask advice, but to signify my determination; when I was interrupted by the entrance of Mr. Venables.  His manner was changed.  His views on my uncle’s fortune made him averse to my quitting his house, or he would, I am convinced, have been glad to have shaken off even the slight restraint my presence imposed on him; the restraint of showing me some respect.  So far from having an affection for me, he really hated me, because he was convinced that I must despise him.

“He told me, that ’As I now had had time to cool and reflect, he did not doubt but that my prudence, and nice sense of propriety, would lead me to overlook what was passed.’

“‘Reflection,’ I replied, ’had only confirmed my purpose, and no power on earth could divert me from it.’

“Endeavouring to assume a soothing voice and look, when he would willingly have tortured me, to force me to feel his power, his countenance had an infernal expression, when he desired me, ’Not to expose myself to the servants, by obliging him to confine me in my apartment; if then I would give my promise not to quit the house precipitately, I should be free—­and—.’  I declared, interrupting him, ’that I would promise nothing.  I had no measures to keep with him—­I was resolved, and would not condescend to subterfuge.’

“He muttered, ‘that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;’ and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had a communication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door upon me, and left me to my own meditations.  I had passively followed him up stairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion.

“Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose.  I felt as if I had heaved a thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable men to tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment.  I disregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done struggling with itself,—­when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were at peace.  I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, aye, during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome my repugnance—­of labouring to extinguish the hopes, the maybes of a lively imagination.  Death I had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; but, while existence had still so many charms, and life promised happiness, I shrunk from the icy arms of an unknown tyrant, though far more inviting than those of the man, to whom I supposed myself bound without any other alternative; and was content to linger a little longer, waiting for I knew not what, rather than leave ’the warm precincts of the cheerful day,’ and all the unenjoyed affection of my nature.