rush in and invite somebody to tread on the tail of his coat, were nowhere.  The Times issues its fiat, concluding the arguments on both sides—­“The Times has spoken, causa finita est”—­and the picture will remain one of the chief attractions in the Royal Academy Exhibition until such time as it ascends to the undisturbed Oilysium of The Happily Immortals.  In the meantime, being on the line, Mr. CALDERON will be perfectly satisfied if his picture be generally recognised as “St. Elisabeth of Well-Hung-ary.”

* * * * *

RECIPE.

(FOR A SPEECH IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS ON THE PROPOSED ADJOURNMENT FOR THE DERBY.)

Take a handful of jokelets and beat them up small, In sophistical fudge, with no logic at all; Then pepper the mixture with snigger and jeer; Add insolent “sauce,” and a soupcon of sneer; Shred stale sentiment fine, just as much as you want, And thicken with cynical clap-trap and cant, Plus oil—­of that species which “smells of the lamp”—­ Then lighten with squibs, which, of course, should be damp; Serve up, with the air of a true Cordon Bleu, And you’ll find a few geese to taste it and praise you!

* * * * *

THE DRAMA THEN AND NOW.

    THEN.  SCENE—­Dining-Room in MRS. GRUNDY’s House.  The
    Misses GRUNDY and their Mother discovered at Luncheon.

Eldest Miss G. Oh, Mamma, do take us to see Formosa at Drury Lane!

Mrs. Grundy.  My dear!  Why, it’s absolutely shocking!  All the papers are ringing with the impropriety!  Couldn’t possibly go!

Second Miss G. But, Mamma dear, the Boat-Race Scene is so excellent.  We might sit at the back of the box, and put our fingers in our ears when you signalled to us.

Mrs. Grundy.  Well, as you say, the Boat-Race Scene is excellent, and as for impropriety, we must ignore it.

    [Exeunt to get places for Drury Lane.

    NOW. Scene as before, Time and situation as before, Company
    as before.

Eldest Miss G. Oh, Mother darling, do take us to see Formosa at Drury Lane!

Mrs. Grundy.  Certainly.  I hear the Boat-Race Scene beats the record.

Second Miss G. It is simply magnificent, and the dialogue is so interesting.  Twenty years ago they said it was improper!  As IBSEN would observe, “Only fancy that!”

Mrs. Grundy.  Did they?  Well, as you say, the Boat-Race Scene is excellent; and as for the impropriety,—­in these days of Ghosts, Pillars of Society, and Dancing Girls, we haven’t time to notice it!

    [Exeunt to get places for Drury Lane.

* * * * *

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE’S DIARY.