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QUEER QUERIES.

CENTRAL AFRICA.—­I have a longing to be an Explorer in the wildest and densest jungles of the Dark Continent.  I feel certain that this is my true role in life, although some of my relatives, acting—­I believe—­purely from jealousy, try to discourage me.  Unfortunately I have no money, and only a vague idea of how to get there.  The voyage out would probably do wonders for my health, which is not strong; in fact at present I can hardly walk upstairs, and the Doctor says I need a warm climate.  I fancy Africa would be warm enough to suit me.  I should be glad to be told of any Capitalist who would advance a few hundred pounds to enable me to carry out my design.  He would not lose his money, as I would repay him by sending home the skins of all the lions and tigers that I shot—­also ivory,—­as well as realistic accounts of slave caravans, &c., which any Publisher would be glad to buy.  LIVINGSTONE JUNIOR.

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[Illustration:  OUR BORES, NATIVE AND FOREIGN.

“ACH!  I SCHBEAGUE ENKLISH NOT VELL, NOT VELL AT ALL!  POT, PY A LEADLE BRACTICE, I IMBROVE VER KVK K!  VAIT TILL I HAF TALK TO YOU FOR A GOPPLE OF HOURS, AND YOU SHALL SEE!”]

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ROBERT AT THE ACADEMY.

Witsuntide being a rayther slack time with us Hed Waiters, coz our principle paytrons is all out of Town, I naterally slected that week for my annewal yearly wisit to the Royal Academy.  I never coud quite hunderstand why it was called a Academy, which I bleeves is a rayther swell name for a Skool, but I hadn’t bin there long larst week afore I soon dishcovered the reason.  In course it stands to reason that lots of the werry wust of the bad picturs is the work of werry young pupils, who haven’t yet left skool, so that’s why they calls it a Academy insted of a Hinstitooshun or a Hexebishun.

The fust thing as struck me wos the emense number of portraits of peeple as noboddy never heard of, and therefore didn’t want for to see, and I wunders how the poor peeple woud like for to be obliged to wark about the rooms and hear the fun as the peeple makes on ’em.  One on ’em looks so werry cross, that a Gent by me said as how he must ha’ bin taken when the bad news came from India.  Another looks so savage, that amost everybody asks him why he don’t have it out and done with it!  Another werry savage sojer looked at me as much as to say, “What are you staring at, Stupid?” which wasn’t at all perlite.  Professor HUXLEY, I am told, is a werry great man, and so he most suttenly seems for to think by the looks on him, and ain’t he jist got a lot of big books for to read!  I was surprised to find as there wasn’t not no Lord Mare among the lot.  His Lordship’s state robes wood have lighted up the hole place.  And now for the reel picters.