John.  “AH—­VERY SAD—­VERY SAD, INDEED!  BUT, SAY, MATILDA, I GUESS WE’D BETTER LET BYGONES BE BYGONES.  AND NOW LET’S GO AND HAVE A LOOK AT THE NEW POST-OFFICE.”]

* * * * *

THE ALARMED AUTOCRAT!

“The Czar declared that he was determined to continue resolutely to the end the policy upon which he had entered, with a view to the solution of the Jewish difficulty, adding that it was the Jews themselves who had forced that policy upon him by their conduct....  ‘Down to the present time’ (His Majesty remarked), ’there has never been a single Nihilistic plot, in which Jews have not been concerned.’”—­The Times’ Correspondent at Moscow.

  The Great White CZAR he has put down his foot;
   On the neck of the Hebrew that foot he will plant. 
  Can fear strike a CAESAR—­a Russian to boot? 
   Can a ROMANOFF stoop to mere cowardly cant? 
  Forbid it traditions of Muscovite pride! 
   An Autocrat’s place is the Conqueror’s car,
  But he who that chariot in triumph would ride,
   Must not earn a name as the White-livered CZAR!

  No, no, scurril scribe, dip your pen in rose-pink,
   Or the Censor’s black blurr shall your slander efface
  A CAESAR turn sophist, an Autocrat shrink? 
   Pusillanimous spite mark the ROMANOFF race? 
  Too wholly absurd!  What is this we have heard
   Which on courtier spirits must painfully jar? 
  Who is he, this mal a propos “little bird”
   Who twitters such tales of the White-livered CZAR?

  The Wolf and the Lamb?  We all know that old tale. 
   But the Wolf, though a tyrant, was scarcely a cur. 
  He bullied and lied, but he didn’t turn pale,
   Or need poltroon terror as cruelty’s spur. 
  But a big, irresponsible, “fatherly” Prince
   Afeared—­of a Jew?  ’Tis too funny by far! 
  The coldest of King-scorning cynics might wince
   At that comic conception, a White-livered CZAR!

  No; Russia is heaven, the CZAR is a saint,
   And the poor “Ebrew Jew” is a troublesome pest;
  But is he the thing to make CAESAR go faint,
   Or disturb an Imperial Autocrat’s rest? 
  The Jew’s all to blame—­as a matter of course;
   The weak and the weary invariably are;
  But weakness on power harsh tyranny force? 
   That’s an argument worthy a White-livered CZAR.

  An Israelite meshed in a ’Nihilist plot
   Is a pitiful picture.  Ungrateful indeed
  Is the poor Russian Jew, not content with his lot—­
   As a slave to the Slav.  But expel the whole breed? 
  Apply that same rule to your subjects all round,
   And one fancies you’ll find it too sweeping by far. 
  The vast realm of Muscovy then might be found
  A wilderness—­save for the White-livered CZAR.