Second Attendant (much relieved).  Oh, you was it?  D’you mind stretchin’ across—­(To gorgeous, eveningly-attired Lady, in row between).  Beg pardon.

Gorgeous Lady (horribly disturbed).  She’ll spill it—­you’ll spill it—­CHARLEY, why don’t you—­

Charles (her Friend).  Here! (To Fascinating Attendant as politely as possible).  Can’t you go round with it—­

Few Ancient Playgoers.  Sssh!  Sssh!

Second Attendant (to distant Customer).  I’ll bring it.  ’Scuse me.

[Retraces her fascinating steps along front row.  Chaff—­exclamations—­near and distant poppings of corks, striking of matches, and other accompaniments to JULIET’s speech.

And so forth, ad libitum.  The same thing going on all over the house during the remainder of the Shakspearean play.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “L’INVITATION A LA VALSE.”

She.  “BUT YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME!  WHAT HAVE YOU PUT DOWN ON YOUR CUFF!”

He.  “OH, I’VE PUT DOWN ‘PEARL NECKLACE.’”

She.  “BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF PEARL NECKLACES HERE!”

He.  “YES; BUT I’VE ALSO PUT DOWN ’SMALL AND RATHER TIGHT’—­I MEAN THE NECKLACE, YOU KNOW!”]

* * * * *

THE GREAT WHALING EXPEDITION.

LATEST VERSION.

BY BILLY (H.  SM-TH), THE (ST. STEPHEN’S) BO’SEN.

’Twas in Ninety One, d’ye see,
Brave boys! 
With SOLLY I did sa-a-a-ail,
When one Monday night
We went out—­not to fight,
But we went for to catch a Whale. 
Brave boys! 
We went for to catch a Whale!

There was dirty weather about,
Brave boys!
Trade-winds was blowin’ a ga-a-a-le,
When the Skipper sings out,
As we chopped about,
“My eyes! there goes such a Whale! 
Brave boys! 
Dear eyes I there goes such a Whale!”

It were the whoppingest Whale,
Brave boys! 
As ever whisked a ta-a-a-il;
In the trough o’ the sea
It was Labouring free. 
And a lashin’ the waves like a flail,
Brave boys! 
A lashin’ the waves like a flail.

We had heard o’ that Whale afore,
Brave boys! 
Says SOLLY, “I’ll go ba-a-a-ail,
The Rads would roar
If that monster they sor-r! 
But we want to catch that Whale,
Brave boys!
We want to catch that Whale!

“Young GRANDOLPH[1] has kep’ a look-out
Brave boys! 
Wich it weren’t of no awa-a-a-il. 
Brum JOEY[1], no doubt,
Is a-cruisin’ about,
But they mustn’t catch that Whale,
Brave boys! 
No, they mustn’t catch that Whale.”

There was only me and SOLLY,
Brave boys! 
In that boat, with never a sa-a-a-il;
And, it may seem folly,
But we both was jolly,
For we meant for to catch that Whale,
Brave boys!
We meant for to catch that Whale!