Mr. Limpett (sardonically, and sotto voce).  Ah, this is something like a rollick now.  “Consequences,” eh?

Algy (who has overheard—­in a savage undertone).  If that isn’t good enough for you, suggest something better—­or shut up!

    [Mr. L. prefers the latter alternative.

Mr. C. Now, then, have you given everybody a piece of paper, EMILY?  CAROLINE, you’re going to play—­we can’t leave you out of it.

Aunt Caroline.  No, JAMES, I’d rather look on, and see you all enjoying yourselves—­I’ve no animal spirits now!

Mr. C. Oh, nonsense!  Christmas-time, you know.  Let’s be jolly while we can—­give her a pencil, EMILY!

Aunt C. No, I can’t, really.  You must excuse me.  I know I’m a wet blanket; but, when I think that I mayn’t be with you another Christmas, we may most of us be dead by then, why—­(sobs).

Fred (the Family Failure).  That’s right, Mater—­trust you to see a humorous side to everything!

Another Aunt.  For shame, FRED!  If you don’t know who is responsible for your poor mother’s low spirits, others do!

    [The Family Failure collapses.

Mr. Limpett.  Well, as we’ve all got pencils, is there any reason why the revelry should not commence?

Mr. C. No—­don’t let’s waste any more time.  Miss ZEFFIE says she will write down on the top of her paper “Who met whom” (must be a Lady and Gentleman in the party, you know), then she folds it down, and passes it on to the next, who writes, “What he said to her”—­the next, “What she said to him”—­next, “What the consequences were,” and the last, “What the world said.”  Capital game—­first-rate.  Now, then!

    [The whole party pass papers in silence from one to another,
    and scribble industriously with knitted brows.

Mr. C. Time’s up, all of you.  I’ll read the first paper aloud. (Glances at it, and explodes.) He-he!—­this is really very funny. (Reads.) “Uncle JOSEPH met Aunt CAROLINE at the—­ho—­ho!—­the Empire!  He said to her, ‘What are the wild waves saying?’ and she said to him, ‘It’s time you were taken away!’ The consequences were that they both went and had their hair out, and the world said they had always suspected there was something between them!”

Uncle J. I consider that a piece of confounded impertinence!

    [Puffs.

Aunt C. It’s not true.  I never met JOSEPH at the Empire.  I don’t go to such places.  I didn’t think I should be insulted like this—­(Weeps.)—­on Christmas too!

Aunts’ Chorus.  FRED again!

    [They regard Family Failure indignantly.