Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 20, 1890 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 43 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 20, 1890.

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 20, 1890 eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 43 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 20, 1890.

Den Brer Fox get mighty mad.  Der never wuz a madder beas’ dan he wuz des den.  He rip, en he r’ar, en he cuss, en he swar, he snort, en he cavort.

“What was he doing that for, Uncle REMUS?” the little boy inquired.

“Bress you’ soul, he wuz tryin’ fer tar fling Brer Rabbit off’n his dignitude,” answered the old man.

“And did he succeed?” pursued the little lad.

“Dat’s all de fur de tale goes—­at present,” replied the old man.  “How de onfrennelness eventuated, I may tell you anudder time.  But, as I tell you, Brer Rabbit wuz a monstus soon beas’; and, when Brer Fox look mighty biggity, atter cuttin’ up mighty small, en loup roun’ and make faces at all de beastesses, en sorter rustle roun’ like he wuz gwinter bus’ eberything, why den, honey, fokes is apt to look on him as kinder splummy-splummy, atter all, en his enfloons bimeby is boun’ to be pow’ful lackin’.”

* * * * *

THAT FOOT-BALL.

AN ATHLETIC FATHER’S LAMENT.

What was it made me cricket snub,
And force my seven sons to subsidize a local “Rugby” Club? 
That Foot-ball!

Yet, what first drew from me a sigh,
When TOM, my eldest, missed a “try,”
But got instead a broken thigh! 

                    That Foot-ball!

What in my second, stalwart JACK,
Caused some inside machine to crack,
And kept him ten months on his back—? 

                    That Foot-ball!

What brought my third, unhappy TED,
To fade and sink, and keep his bed,
And finally go off his head?—­

                    That Foot-ball!

My fourth and fifth, poor JOHN and JIM,
What made the sight of one so dim? 
What made the other lack a limb? 

                    That Foot-ball!

Then FRANK, my sixth, who cannot touch
The ground unaided by a crutch,
Alas! of what had he too much? 

                    That Foot-ball!

The seventh ends the mournful line,
Poor STEPHEN with his fractured spine. 
A debt owe these good sons of mine,

                    That Foot-ball!

And as we pass the street-boys cry,
“Look at them cripples!” I but sigh,
“You’re right, my friends.  But would you fly
A lot like ours; uh, do not try

                    That Foot-ball!”

* * * * *

OUR ADVERTISERS.

SEASONABLE AND OTHER.

SCARIFICO is a non-emollient, detergent, case-hardening, and scouring soap polish.

* * * * *

SCARIFICO will instantly give the finest complexion the consistency of hardened wash-leather.

* * * * *

SCARIFICO, used recklessly and freely, will rapidly flay the reigning beauty.

Copyrights
Project Gutenberg
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 99, December 20, 1890 from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.