If M’Slattery’s opinion of the Civil Code was low, his opinion of Military Law was at zero.  In his previous existence in his native Clydebank, when weary of rivet-heating and desirous of change and rest, he had been accustomed to take a day off and become pleasantly intoxicated, being comfortably able to afford the loss of pay involved by his absence.  On these occasions he was accustomed to sleep off his potations in some public place—­usually upon the pavement outside his last house of call—­and it was his boast that so long as nobody interfered with him he interfered with nobody.  To this attitude the tolerant police force of Clydebank assented, having their hands full enough, as a rule, in dealing with more militant forms of alcoholism.  But Private M’Slattery, No. 3891, soon realised that he and Mr. Matthew M’Slattery, rivet-heater and respected citizen of Clydebank, had nothing in common.  Only last week, feeling pleasantly fatigued after five days of arduous military training, he had followed the invariable practice of his civil life, and taken a day off.  The result had fairly staggered him.  In the orderly-room upon Monday morning he was charged with—­

(1) Being absent from Parade at 9 A.M. on Saturday.

(2) Being absent from Parade at 2 P.M. on Saturday.

(3) Being absent from Tattoo at 9.30 P.M. on Saturday.

(4) Being drunk in High Street about 9.40 P.M. on Saturday.

(5) Striking a Non-Commissioned Officer.

(6) Attempting to escape from his escort.

(7) Destroying Government property. (Three panes of glass in the guard-room.)

Private M’Slattery, asked for an explanation, had pointed out that if he had been treated as per his working arrangement with the police at Clydebank, there would have been no trouble whatever.  As for his day off, he was willing to forgo his day’s pay and call the thing square.  However, a hidebound C.O. had fined him five shillings and sentenced him to seven days’ C.B.  Consequently he was in no mood for Royal Reviews.  He stated his opinions upon the subject in a loud voice and at some length.  No one contradicted him, for he possessed the straightest left in the company; and no dog barked even when M’Slattery said that black was white.

“I wunner ye jined the Airmy at all, M’Slattery,” observed one bold spirit, when the orator paused for breath.

“I wunner myself,” said M’Slattery simply.  “If I had kent all aboot this ‘attention,’ and ‘stan’-at-ease,’ and needin’ tae luft your hand tae your bunnet whenever you saw yin o’ they gentry-pups of officers goin’ by,—­dagont if I’d hae done it, Germans or no! (But I had a dram in me at the time.) I’m weel kent in Clydebank, and they’ll tell you there that I’m no the man to be wastin’ my time presenting airms tae kings or any other bodies.”

However, at the appointed hour M’Slattery, in the front rank of A Company, stood to attention because he had to, and presented arms very creditably.  He now cherished a fresh grievance, for he objected upon principle to have to present arms to a motor-car standing two hundred yards away upon his right front.