September.—­The last 101-ton gun having been melted down for the forging of the metal piles for one of the four newly-projected Channel bridges, a nasty international feeling, fermented by General Officers who are obliged to sweep crossings and drive four-wheeled cabs for a livelihood,—­and who do not like it,—­begins to manifest itself, and diplomacy intervening irritably only to make matters worse, several ultimatums are dispatched from some of the Great Powers to others, but owing to the want of soldiers, the matter is put into the hands of International Solicitors, who, arranging a stand-up fight for the President of the French Republic and the CZAR against the Emperors of GERMANY and AUSTRIA, and the KING of ITALY, the matter somehow falls through for the moment, and the public excitement subsides.

October.—­General note from all the Great Powers to each other announcing their secession from the “League of Peace,” and declaring their intention of resorting again to “Protective Armament” as soon as possible.  War declared all round before the end of the month.

* * * * *

VOCES POPULI.

AT THE GUELPH EXHIBITION.

IN THE CENTRAL HALL.

A Thrifty Visitor (on entering).  Catalogue?  No.  What’s the use of a Catalogue?  Miserable thing, the size of a tract, that tells you nothing you don’t know!

His Wife (indicating a pile of Catalogues on table).  Aren’t these big enough for you?

The Thr.  V. Those?  Why, they’re big enough for the London Directory!  Think I’m going to drag a thing like that about the place?  You don’t really want a Catalogue—­it’s all your fancy!

Mr. Prattler (to Miss AMMERSON).  Oh, do stop and look at these sweet goldfish!  Pets!  Don’t you love them? Aren’t they tame?

Miss Ammerson.  Wouldn’t do to have them wild—­might jump out and bite people, you know!

Mr. P. It’s too horrid of you to make fun of my poor little enthusiasms!  But really,—­couldn’t we get something and feed them?—­Do let’s!

Miss A. I daresay you could get ham-sandwiches in the Restaurant—­or chocolates.

Mr. P. How unkind you are to me!  But I don’t care. (Wilfully.) I shall come here all by myself, and bring biscuits.  Great big ones!  Are you determined to take me into that big room with all the Portraits?  Well, you must tell me who they all are then, and which are the Guelphiest ones.

IN THE ROYAL ROOM.

Considerate Niece (to Uncle).  They seem mostly Portraits here.  You’re sure you don’t mind looking at them, Uncle?  I know so many people do object to Portraits.

Uncle (with the air of a Christian Martyr).  No, my dear, no:  I don’t mind ’em.  Stay here as long as you like, I’ll sit down and look at the people, till you’ve done.