[Dives under.

* * * * *

UP-TO-TIME TABLE, FROM THE NORTH.

| Morning | Mineral | General |Traffic and|
|  Fast.  |and Parl.| Express.|Even.  Mail.|
---------------------+---------+---------+---------+--------

---+
Edinburgh         \  |7 A.M. to|11 A.M.  A| Noon F  | 9 P.M.  L  |
(Waverley Station)/  |  9.30   |         |         |           |
Carlisle             | 12.15   |   ...   |   ...   |    ...    |
Hawick               | 4.30    |    B    |   ...   |    ...    |
Galashiels           | 9.45    |   ...   | 2.15 G  | 1 A.M.  M  |
/      | 1 P.M.  |         |         |           |
Motherwell   <       |(Stopped | 4 P.M.  C| 3.19 H  |  3.20 N   |
\      |by riot) |         |         |           |
St. Margaret’s Works | 3.30    |  5 D    |   ...   |    ...    |
Perth                |9.45 A.M.|   ...   | 11.26 I |    ...    |
Glasgow              |12.30P.M.|   ...   |   ...   |    ...    |
Aberfeldy            | 6.13    |   ...   |   ...   |    ...    |
Dundee               |1.12 A.M.|3A.M.to 9|   ...   |    ...    |
Inverness            | 9.23    |   ...   |  3.5 J  |    ...    |
Aberdeen             | 11.6    |7 P.M.?  E|1 A.M.  K |     O     |
---------------------+---------+---------+---------+--------

---+

A—­Takes delayed pig-iron and third-class passengers.  B—­Half of train stops here through breaking an axle-pin.  C—­Passengers, for protection, get under seats of carriages.  D—­Stops for repairs.  E—­Having had a collision at the junction for Aberfeldy, will come on, if there are any passengers equal to finishing the journey.

F—­Starts under the management of a Director, and, owing to a misunderstanding, dashes off to Aberdeen, without stopping.  G—­Doesn’t stop, but knocks over a station-master.  H—­Is pelted as it tears through the station by ex-employes.  I—­Knocks over another station-master.  J—­Meets a pilot-engine, which it splits in half.  K—­Goes at full speed through the end of the terminus, depositing the passengers in a heap in the middle of the town.

L—­Train starts, made up of horse-boxes and luggage-vans full of three weeks’ arrears of parcels, first-class carriages, Post-office van, fifty coal-trucks, and a wild beast show, the Directors wishing to make up for lost time.  M—­Train breaking down here, mail and passengers only forwarded.  N—­Train attacked by rioters.  Pitched battle with the passengers.  O—­Telegram from Motherwell saying, that owing to police intervention, train starts the day after to-morrow.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ARBITRATION.

THE SEAL.  “BELAY, YOU TWO JOHNNIES!—­AVAST QUARRELLING!  GIVE ME A
‘CLOSE-TIME,’ AND LEAVE THE ‘SEA’ AN OPEN QUESTION.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  SHOCKING!

Fair New-Englander (spending the Winter in the Old Country).  “OH, WHAT A LOVE!  AND IS IT THE FIRST YOU HAVE SHOT THIS YEAR, CAPTAIN RASPER?”]