July.—­Results of Gen. BOOTH’s “Darkest England” scheme.  Triumphant return of the Submerged Tenth, who having enjoyed themselves immensely, have come back to the Slums with a view to having another innings at “the way out.”

August.—­The Authorities at the Naval Exhibition wishing to stimulate the public taste for the undertaking, fire one of the hundred-ton guns which, “by some oversight” being loaded, sends a shell into the City, which brings down the dome of St. Paul’s, but, bursting itself, lays Chelsea in ruins, and causes the appearance of a letter in the Times from Lord GEORGE HAMILTON, saying that the matter will be “the subject of a searching inquiry” by his Department.

September.—­A few Dukes in the Highlands, using several Hotchkiss guns with their guests asked down to the shooting, exceed the known figures of any previous battue to such an extent that birds sell in Bond Street at 3d. a brace, with the result that the whole of Scotland is said to be completely cleared of game for the next seven years.

October.—­The great strike of everybody commences.  Nothing to be got anywhere.  Several Noblemen and Members of Parliament meet the “food” crisis by organising an Upper-class Co-operative Society, and bring up their own cattle to London.  Being, however, unable to kill them professionally without the aid of a butcher, they blow them up with gunpowder, and divide them with a steam-scythe, for which proceedings they are somewhat maliciously prosecuted by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

November.—­The Strike continuing, and times being very bad, several Peers take advantage of the 5th of the month, and make a tour of their immediate neighbourhoods in their own arm-chairs, thereby realising a very handsome sum in halfpence from a not unsympathetic public.

December.—­First signs of a probable second edition of a “good old-fashioned Christmas” recognised.  General panic in consequence.  Attempt to lynch the Clerk of the Weather at Greenwich, only frustrated by the appearance of a strong force of Police. 1891 terminates in gloomy despair.

* * * * *

EDWIN AND ANGELINA.

(ONE MORE VERSION.)

[Illustration]

  DEAR MR. PUNCH,—­I beg of you to hear my tale of woe,
  My case is really one of those I’m sure you’d like to know;
  How EDWIN and myself, at last, have quarrelled and have parted,
  And I am left to shed a tear—­alone, and broken-hearted.

  We were engaged for eighteen months—­he often said that life
  Would not be worth the living, if I would not be his wife. 
  My eyes, though brown, were “blue” to him, my hair a “silken tangle,”
  He’d given me his photograph, and such a lovely bangle!

  I had called upon his mother, and had often stayed to tea—­
  She said that EDWIN had, indeed, a lucky catch in me. 
  I thought him quite a model youth—­hard-working, loyal, steady,
  A thrill of pleasure filled me when he wrote, “Your own, own EDDY.”,