“It’s against nature—­to kill yourself.”

“Oh!” she murmured.  “I’m quite used to that charge.  You aren’t by any means the first to accuse me of being against nature.  But can you tell me where nature ends?  That’s another thing I’d like to know....  My dear friend, you’re being conventional, and you aren’t being realistic.  You must know perfectly well in your heart that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t kill myself if I want to.  You aren’t going to talk to me about the Ten Commandments, I suppose, are you?  There’s a risk, of course, on the other side—­shore—­but perhaps it’s worth taking.  You aren’t in a position to say it isn’t worth taking.  And at worst the other shore must be marvellous.  It may possibly be terrible, if you arrive too soon and without being asked, but it must be marvellous....  Naturally, I believe in immortality.  If I didn’t, the thing wouldn’t be worth doing.  Oh!  I should hate to be extinguished.  But to change one existence for another, if the fancy takes you—­that seems to me the greatest proof of real independence that anybody can give.  It’s tremendous.  You’re playing chess with fate and fate’s winning, and you knock up the chess-board and fate has to begin all over again!  Can’t you see how tremendous it is—­and how tempting it is?  The temptation is terrific.”

“I can see all that,” said G.J.  He was surprised by a sudden sense of esteem for the mighty volition hidden behind those calm, worn, gracious features.  But Concepcion’s body was younger than her face.  He perceived, as it were for the first time, that Concepcion was immeasurably younger than himself; and yet she had passed far beyond him in experience.  “But what’s the origin of all this?  What do you want to do it for?  What’s happened?”

“Then you believe I mean to do it?”

“Yes,” he replied sincerely, and as naturally as he could.

“That’s the tone I like to hear,” said she, smiling.  “I felt sure I could count on you not to indulge in too much nonsense.  Well, I’m going to try the next avatar just to remind fate of my existence.  I think fate’s forgotten me, and I can stand anything but that.  I’ve lost Carly, and I’ve lost Queen....  Oh, G.J.!  Isn’t it awful to think that when I offered you Queen she’d already gone, and it was only her dead body I was offering you? ...  And I’ve lost my love.  And I’ve failed, and I shall never be any more good here.  I swore I would see a certain thing through, and I haven’t seen it through, and I can’t!  But I’ve told you all this before....  What’s left?  Even my unhappiness is leaving me.  Unless I kill myself I shall cease to exist.  Don’t you understand?  Yes, you do.”

After a marked pause she added: 

“And I may overtake Queen.”

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” he said, “as we’re being frank with each other.  Why do you tell me?  Has it occurred to you that you’re really making me a party to this scheme of yours?”