ONE PRESIDENT.

  “What are those, father?” “Statesmen, my child—­
  Lacrymose, unparliamentary, wild.”

  “What are they that way for, father?” “Last fall,
  ‘Our candidate’s better,’ they said, ‘than all!’”

  “What did they say he was, father?” “A man
  Built on a straight incorruptible plan—­
  Believing that none for an office would do
  Unless he were honest and capable too.”

  “Poor gentlemen—­so disappointed!” “Yes, lad,
  That is the feeling that’s driving them mad;
  They’re weeping and wailing and gnashing because
  They find that he’s all that they said that he was.”

  THE BRIDE.

  “You know, my friends, with what a brave carouse
  I made a second marriage in my house—­
    Divorced old barren Reason from my bed
  And took the Daughter of the Vine to spouse.”

  So sang the Lord of Poets.  In a gleam
  Of light that made her like an angel seem,
    The Daughter of the Vine said:  “I myself
  Am Reason, and the Other was a Dream.”

  STRAINED RELATIONS.

  Says England to Germany:  “Africa’s ours.” 
    Says Germany:  “Ours, I opine.” 
  Says Africa:  “Tell me, delectable Pow’rs,
    What is it that ought to be mine?”

  THE MAN BORN BLIND.

  A man born blind received his sight
    By a painful operation;
  And these are things he saw in the light
    Of an infant observation.

  He saw a merchant, good and wise. 
    And greatly, too, respected,
  Who looked, to those imperfect eyes,
    Like a swindler undetected.

  He saw a patriot address
    A noisy public meeting. 
  And said:  “Why, that’s a calf.  I guess. 
    That for the teat is bleating.”

  A doctor stood beside a bed
    And shook his summit sadly. 
  “O see that foul assassin!” said
    The man who saw so badly.

  He saw a lawyer pleading for
    A thief whom they’d been jailing,
  And said:  “That’s an accomplice, or
    My sight again is failing.”

  Upon the Bench a Justice sat,
    With nothing to restrain him;
  “’Tis strange,” said the observer, “that
    They ventured to unchain him.”

  With theologic works supplied,
    He saw a solemn preacher;
  “A burglar with his kit,” he cried,
    “To rob a fellow creature.”

  A bluff old farmer next he saw
    Sell produce in a village,
  And said:  “What, what! is there no law
    To punish men for pillage?”

  A dame, tall, fair and stately, passed,
    Who many charms united;
  He thanked his stars his lot was cast
    Where sepulchers were whited.

  He saw a soldier stiff and stern,
    “Full of strange oaths” and toddy;
  But was unable to discern
    A wound upon his body.

  Ten square leagues of rolling ground
    To one great man belonging,
  Looked like one little grassy mound
    With worms beneath it thronging.