When, with the force of a ram that discharges its ponderous body
  Straight at the rear elevation of the luckless culler of simples,
  The foot of Herculean Kilgore—­statesman of surname suggestive
  Or carnage unspeakable!—­lit like a missile prodigious
  Upon the Congressional door with a monstrous and mighty momentum,
  Causing that vain ineffective bar to political freedom
  To fly from its hinges, effacing the nasal excrescence of Dingley,
  That luckless one, decently veiling the ruin with ready bandanna,
  Lamented the loss of his eminence, sadly with sobs as follows: 
  “Ah, why was I ever elected to the halls of legislation,
  So soon to be shown the door with pitiless emphasis?  Truly,
  I’ve leaned on a broken Reed, and the same has gone back on me meanly. 
  Where now is my prominence, erstwhile in council conspicuous, patent? 
  Alas, I did never before understand what I now see clearly,
  To wit, that Democracy tends to level all human distinctions!”
  His fate so untoward and sad the Pine-tree statesman, bewailing,
  Stood in the corridor there while Democrats freed from confinement
  Came trooping forth from the chamber, dissembling all, as they passed him,
  Hilarious sentiments painful indeed to observe, and remarking: 
  “O friend and colleague of the Speaker, what ails the unjoyous proboscis?”

WOMAN IN POLITICS.

  What, madam, run for School Director?  You? 
    And want my vote and influence?  Well, well,
  That beats me!  Gad! where are we drifting to? 
    In all my life I never have heard tell
    Of such sublime presumption, and I smell
  A nigger in the fence!  Excuse me, madam;
  We statesmen sometimes speak like the old Adam.

  But now you mention it—­well, well, who knows? 
    We might, that’s certain, give the sex a show. 
  I have a cousin—­teacher.  I suppose
    If I stand in and you ’re elected—­no? 
    You’ll make no bargains?  That’s a pretty go! 
  But understand that school administration
  Belongs to Politics, not Education.

  We’ll pass the teacher deal; but it were wise
    To understand each other at the start. 
  You know my business—­books and school supplies;
    You’d hardly, if elected, have the heart
    Some small advantage to deny me—­part
  Of all my profits to be yours.  What?  Stealing? 
  Please don’t express yourself with so much feeling.

  You pain me, truly.  Now one question more. 
    Suppose a fair young man should ask a place
  As teacher—­would you (pardon) shut the door
    Of the Department in his handsome face
    Until—­I know not how to put the case—­
  Would you extort a kiss to pay your favor? 
  Good Lord! you laugh?  I thought the matter graver.