Elbow-Room eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 315 pages of information about Elbow-Room.

Elbow-Room eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 315 pages of information about Elbow-Room.

On the first Sunday that the congregation worshiped in the new church Mr. Potts attended; and in accordance with his custom, he placed his silk high hat just outside of the pew in the aisle.  In a few moments Mrs. Jones entered, and as she proceeded up the aisle her abounding skirts caught Mr. Potts’ hat and rolled it nearly to the pulpit.  Mr. Potts pursued his hat with feelings of indignation; and when Mrs. Jones took her seat, he walked back, brushing the hat with his sleeve.  A few moments later Mrs. Hopkins came into church; and as Mr. Potts had again placed his hat in the aisle, Mrs. Hopkins’ skirts struck it and swept it along about twenty feet, and left it lying on the carpet in a demoralized condition.  Mr. Potts was singing a hymn at the time, and he didn’t miss it.  But a moment later, when he looked over the end of the pew to see if it was safe, he was furious to perceive that it was gone.  He skirmished up the aisle after it again, red in the face, and uttering sentences which were very much out of place in the sanctuary.  However, he put the hat down again and determined to keep his eye on it, but just as he turned his head away for a moment Mrs. Smiley came in, and Potts looked around only in time to watch the hat being gathered in under Mrs. Smiley’s skirts and carried away by them.  He started in pursuit, and just as he did so the hat must have rolled against Mrs. Smiley’s ankles, for she gave a jump and screamed right out in church.  When her husband asked her what was the matter, she said there must be a dog under her dress, and she gave her skirts a twist.  Out rolled Mr. Potts’ hat, and Mr. Smiley, being very near-sighted, thought it was a dog, and immediately kicked it so savagely that it flew up into the gallery and lodged on top of the organ.  Mr. Potts, perfectly frantic with rage, forgot where he was; and holding his clinched fist under Smiley’s nose, he shrieked, “I’ve half a mind to brain you, you scoundrel!” Then he flung down his hymn-book and rushed from the church.  He went home bareheaded, and the sexton brought his humiliating hat around after dinner.  After that Mr. Potts expressed a purpose to go habitually to Quaker meeting, where he could say his prayers with his hat on his head, and where the skirts of female worshippers are smaller.

* * * * *

Upon a subsequent occasion Mrs. Whistler had even a greater occasion for dissatisfaction with the sanctuary.

The facts in Mrs. Whistler’s case were these:  Mrs. Whistler has singular absence of mind, and on the last Sunday she attended church Dr. Dox began to read from the Scriptures the account of the Deluge.  Mrs. Whistler was deeply attentive; and when the doctor came to the story of how it rained for so many days and nights, she was so much absorbed in the narrative and so strongly impressed with it that she involuntarily put up her umbrella and held it over her head as she sat in the pew.  It appears that Mrs. Moody, who sits in the next pew in front, frequently brings her lap-dog to church with her; and when Mrs. Whistler raised her umbrella suddenly, the action affected the sensibilities of Mrs. Moody’s dog in such a manner that he began to bark furiously.

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Elbow-Room from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.