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[Illustration:  SCENE—­Interior of box at Fancy Dress Ball.

Host of Party.  “I SAY, BETTY, I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A CITY FRIEND OF MINE, MR. JONES.”

Hostess (hospitably).  “HOW D’YOU DO?  OH, YOU’RE AWFULLY GOOD!”

Host (sotto voce).  “TAKE CARE!  HE’S NOT MADE UP AT ALL.”]

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THE WONDER ZOO.

Canada has evolved a novelty described as a “new beef animal,” which is a blend of the domestic cow and the North American bison.  The resulting prodigy has the ferocious hump and shoulders of the bison, with the mildly benevolent face of the Herefordshire ox.  It must not, however, be supposed that the old country is behind-hand in such experiments, as witness the following:—­

Billingsgate salesmen have lately been supplied with advance copies of the new Codoyster fish.  This epicurean triumph, which owes its existence to the research of several eminent specialists, is the result of a blend of the North Sea cod and the finest Whitstable native.  The result is said to reproduce in a remarkable degree the succulent qualities of the original fish when eaten with oyster sauce, and caterers are sure to welcome the combination of these popular items in so handy a form.

Several fine examples of the Soho chicken have lately appeared upon the show benches at various important poultry contests.  This ingenious creation, which has long been familiar to the patrons of our less expensive restaurants (hence the name), is said to possess qualities of endurance superior to anything previously on the market.  Its muscular development is phenomenal, while the entire elimination of the liver, and the substitution of four extra drum-sticks for the ordinary wings and thighs, are noteworthy characteristics.

Success in another branch of the same endeavour is shown in the latest report of the Society for the Prolongation of Dachshunds.  According to this the worm-ideal seems at last to be in sight, careful inter-breeding having now produced a variety called the Processional, selected specimens of which take from one to two minutes in passing any given spot.  The almost entire disappearance of legs is another attractive feature.

Meanwhile Major-Gen. Threebottle writes from Oporto Lodge, Ealing, strongly protesting against any further complication of the fauna of these islands, and pointing out that the simple snakes and cats of our youth were already sufficiently formidable to a nervous invalid like himself without the addition of such objectionable novelties.

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    “Without warning, while the car was travelling at about
    fifteen miles per hour, the tyre of the front wheel
    burst.”—­Scotsman.

Our tyres are much better trained, and each of the four gives a distinctive cough before bursting.