Arguers and spouters are invariably asses.

If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one, talk as much as you please about his or her affairs, and as little as possible about your own.  People are such downright egotists themselves, that they cannot tolerate egotism in others.

A person who cannot relish absurdity and wit, and must, moreover, have a satisfactory reason for whatever is said or done, is a philosophical blockhead.

The best tooth-powder in the world is Armenian hole, a pennyworth of which will serve a man for six months.

If a man pronounces you a liar, it is very absurd to call him out for the same.  This ceremony does not prove that you are not a liar; it only shows, that you possess sufficient courage to stand at the distance of twelve paces, while a pistol—­probably a leadless one—­is fired at you.

Snuff-taking in a woman is abominable, unless she be very aged—­say eighty, or upwards—­when it is rather becoming than otherwise.

Young girls, of from fourteen to seventeen, are fond of aping the woman in their dress, and are partial to long shawls, which give the young things a matronly appearance.  When they become women in reality, they are rather too apt to go upon the opposite tack, and to assume the dress and airs of the girl.

A well-made man always looks shorter than he is; ditto a well-made woman.

A story-teller, or dealer in anecdote, is an abomination that ought to be expelled from all well-regulated societies.  A man of an original and truly powerful mind never deals in anecdotes, unless it be for the purpose of illustrating some general principle.  Women and weak men are all addicted to the vice.  If a person of this description begins to annoy a company with his or her twaddle, the only cure for it is to affect deafness—­a very convenient infirmity at times.

A hint to Cooks.—­Roasted chestnuts, grated or sliced, make an excellent addition to the stuffing for turkeys or geese.

Another hint.—­In boiling salmon, split the fish from head to tail; if you do not do this, but boil it entire, or cut horizontally through the middle, it is impossible to cook it thoroughly, the thickness of the back and shoulders being such, that, if the outside be properly done, the inside must needs be little better than parboiled.  On the Tweed, and other salmon districts, the latter system is held in abomination.

A clever servant is almost invariably quick tempered.  The reason is obvious:  superior talent is always accompanied by pride, which must meet with many petty annoyances in the menial state.

Never praise or talk of your children to other people; for, depend upon it, no person except yourself cares a single farthing about them.

Sea-gull eggs, when boiled hard and eaten cold, with pepper, salt, vinegar, and mustard, make a delightful breakfast dish.  Many persons have an antipathy to such eggs; but it is from eating them in the soft state, when they have always a fishy taste.  Try them as above, and they will change their opinions upon the subject.