[After a little beating about the bush, the little “job” is arranged amicably, on the practical basis of “a fiver each, and mum’s the word on both sides,” thus evading the law, saving the Builder a few pounds, and supplementing the salary of the Surveyor.  Ulterior results, unsanitary or otherwise, do not come within the compass of this sketch.

* * * * *

STRANGER THAN FICTION!

(POSTMARKS—­LEEDS, HULL, AND ELSEWHERE.)

Mr. Punch was assisting at a Congress.  The large room in which that Congress was being held was crowded, and consequently the heat was oppressive.  The speeches, too, were not particularly interesting, and the Sage became drowsy.  It was fortunate, therefore, that a fair maiden in a classical garb (who suddenly appeared seated beside him) should have addressed him.  The interruption reassembled in their proper home his wandering senses.

“I fear, Mr. Punch,” said the fair maiden, looking at herself in a small mirror which she was holding in her right hand, “that you are inclined to go to sleep.”

“Well, I am,” replied the Sage, with unaccountable bluntness; “truth to tell, these orations about nothing in particular, spouted by persons with an imperfect knowledge of, I should say, almost any subject, bore me.”

“The information is unnecessary,” observed the young lady; with a smile.  “I share your feelings.  But if you will be so kind as to pay a little attention to the speakers while they are under my influence, I think you will discover a new interest in their utterances.”

“Are you an hypnotist, Madam?” asked Mr. Punch.

“Well, not exactly.  But, when I have the chance, I can make people speak the Truth.”

Then Mr. Punch listened, and was surprised at the strange things that next happened.

“I wish to be perfectly frank with you,” said a gentleman on the platform; “I am here because I wish to see my name in the papers, and all the observations I have made up to date have been addressed to the reporters.  I am glad I can control my thoughts, because I would not for worlds let you know the truth.  It is my ambition to figure as a philanthropist, and on my word, I think this is the cheapest and most effective mode of carrying out my intention.”

Then the gentleman resumed his seat with a smile that suggested that he was under the impression that he had just delivered himself of sentiments bound to extort universal admiration.

“That is not exactly my case,” observed a second speaker, “because I do not care two pins for anything save the entertainments which are invariably associated with scientific research, or philanthropical inquiry.  I pay my guinea, after considerable delay, and then expect to take out five times that amount in grudgingly bestowed, but competitionally provoked (if I may be pardoned the expression) hospitality.