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I have never called bonnets
“divine,”
For our Sec. with a soul-shaking look,
Would be down on your friend
with a fine.
So the milliners now I pass by;
Though dearly they pleased
me of yore;
If a girl musn’t gush, squirm, and
sigh,
Even shopping becomes quite
a bore.
For “gorgeous” I languish
in vain,
And I pine for a “love”—and
a “dear.”
Oh! why did I vow to be plain—
In my speech? It sounds
awfully queer!
Stop! “Awfully” is not
allowed.
Though it will slip
out sometimes, I own.
Oh, I might as well sit in my shroud,
As use moderate language alone.
To force us fair nymphs to forego
The hyperbole dear to our
heart,
And the slang without which speech is
“slow,”
Is to make us a “people
apart.”
Oh, to say (without fines) “quite
too-too!”
For dear “awfully jolly”
I yearn.
I would “chuck” all my friends,
sweet—save you—
To the pathways of Gush to
return.
Eh? “Chuck” did I say?
That is Slang!
And “Sweet?”
That’s decidedly Gush!
Oh, let the A.G.S. go hang!
My old love returns with a
rush.
It is “gorgeous” once more
to be free,
O’er a frock or a first
night to glow.
Come to-morrow! Go shopping with
me,
Ownest own—and
we’ll gush as we go!
[Footnote 1: SHENSTONE, not Mr. Punch, is responsible for the peccant participle.]
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THE MODERN NELSON MOTTO.—At the Church Congress. Lord NELSON expressed a strong desire for the union of Dissenters with Churchmen. If his Lordship’s reading of the old Nelsonian motto is “England expects that every clergyman (Dissenter or Churchman) should do somebody else’s duty,” then England will have to wait a considerable time for the Utopian realisation of this pious wish.
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NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
