* * * * *

HORSE WANTED.—­Must have been placed in a recent Derby, and show a good racing record.  Thoroughly sound in wind and limb, expected to be equal to carrying 13 stone in the Park, or to doing any work from a four-in-hand down to single harness in a hearse.  On the advertiser being furnished with a suitable beast, he will be prepared to put down a five-pound note for him, payable by ten-shilling monthly instalments.

* * * * *

HOME REQUIRED FOR AN INDIAN CHIEF.—­The Advertiser, who has recently received a consignment of Savages from Patagonia, and has had to entertain their Monarch in his residence at Bayswater, as he is about to pay a four weeks’ visit to the Continent, is anxious in the meantime to find a suitable home for him in some quiet suburban family, who would not object to some fresh and lively experience introduced into the routine of their domestic circle, in consideration for a small payment to defray the slight extra cost involved in his support.  He will give little trouble, an empty attic furnished with a hearth-rug supplying him with all the accommodation he will require, while his food has hitherto consisted of tripe, shovelled to him on a pitchfork, and stout mixed with inferior rum, of which he gets through about a horse-pailful a day.  His chief recreation being a “Demon’s War Dance,” in which he will, if one be handy, hack a clothes-horse to pieces with his “baloo,” or two-edged chopper-axe, he might be found an agreeable inmate by an aged and invalid couple, who would relish a little unusual after-dinner excitement, as a means of passing away a quiet evening or two.  Applicants anxious to secure the Chief should write at once.  Three-and-sixpence a-week will be paid for his keep, which, supplying the place of the rum in his drink (which has been tried with effect) with methylated spirit mixed with treacle, affords an ample margin for a handsome profit on the undertaking.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MUCH MORE SUITABLE.

NEW UNIFORM FOR HER MAJESTY’S HORSE GUARDS, SUGGESTED TO MR. PUNCH BY
RECENT CAVALRY EVOLUTIONS ON THE THAMES.]

* * * * *

DEVELOPMENT.

(WITH ACKNOWLEDGMENTS TO THE AUTHOR OF “PATIENCE.")

    ["Even a colour-sense is more important in the development
    of the individual than a sense of right and wrong.”—­OSCAR
    WILDE.]

If you’re anxious to develop to a true hedonic “swell,” hop on a
pinnacle apart,
Like a monkey on a stick, and your phrases quaintly pick, and then
prattle about Art. 
Take some laboured paradoxes, and, like Samson’s flaming foxes, let
them loose amidst the corn
(Or the honest commonplaces) of the Philistines whose graces you
regard with lofty scorn. 
And every one will say,
As you squirm your wormy way,
“If this young man expresses himself in terms that stagger me,
What a very singularly smart young man this smart young man must be!”