“It’s only a way of speaking,” I pleaded.  “Actually you are travelling as a small black gentleman.  You will go with the guard—­a delightful man.”

Chum came out reluctantly.  The clerk leant over the counter and managed to see him.

“According to our regulations,” he said, and I always dislike people who begin like that, “he has to be on a chain.  A leather lead won’t do.”

Chum smiled all over himself.  I don’t know which pleased him more—­the suggestion that he was a very large and fierce dog, or the impossibility now of his travelling with the guard, delightful man though he might be.  He gave himself a shake and started for the door.

“Tut, tut, it’s a great disappointment to me,” he said, trying to look disappointed, but his back would wriggle.  “This chain business—­silly of us not

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE BLACK MAN’S BURDEN.

REFRAIN BY NATIVES OF SOUTH AFRICA AND KIKUYU.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Kindly Hostess (to nervous reciter who has broken down in “The Charge of the Light Brigade").  “NEVER MIND MR. TOMPKINS, JUST TELL US IT IN YOUR OWN WORDS.”]

* * * * *

to have known—­well, well, we shall be wiser another time.  Now let’s go home.”

Poor old Chum; I had known.  From a large coat pocket I produced a chain.

“Dash it,” said Chum, looking up at me pathetically, “you might almost want to get rid of me.”

He was chained, and the label tied on to him.  Forgive me that label, Chum; I think that was the worst offence of all.  And why should I label one who was speaking so eloquently for himself; who said from the tip of his little black nose to the end of his stumpy black tail, “I’m a silly old ass, but there’s nothing wrong in me, and they’re sending me away!” But according to the regulations—­one must obey the regulations, Chum.

I gave him to the guard—­a delightful man.  The guard and I chained him to a brake or something.  Then the guard went away, and Chum and I had a little talk ...

After that the train went off.

Good-bye, little dog.  A.A.M.

* * * * *

    “Lady Strachie wishes to thoroughly recommend her permanent
    Caretaker and Husband.”—­Advt. in “Morning Post."

Lord STRACHIE should be a proud man to-day.

* * * * *

HOW GREAT MEN SHOW EMOTION.

[Mr. HANDEL BOOTH, speaking in Hyde Park recently, declared that, when he informed Lord ABERDEEN of the conduct of the police during the Dublin riots, the Lord Lieutenant “buried his head in his hands.”]

Mr. Leo Maxixe, writing in The Irrational Review, states that he has it on the best authority that when the GERMAN EMPEROR read the Criccieth New Year’s interview with Mr. LLOYD GEORGE he exclaimed, “This beats the Tango,” and fell heavily on the hearthrug.