* * * * *

    “MISSING NAVY PAYMASTER ARRESTED.”

    "Evening Standard” Poster.

So that’s where it was all the time!

* * * * *

    “The Under-sheriff said ... rumours against a man’s
    character were like a rolling stone, gathering moss as it
    went.”—­Western Mail.

“As fond of the fire as a burnt child,” is another of the Under Sheriff’s favourite sayings.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Indulgent Householder.  “WHY ARE YOU SINGING CAROLS, MY LITTLE MAN?  DON’T YOU KNOW CHRISTMAS IS OVER?”

Youthful Caroller.  “YES, SIR; BUT I ’AD MEASLES ALL FROO CHRISTMAS.”]

* * * * *

ONCE UPON A TIME.

GLAMOUR.

Once upon a time there was a peer who knew the frailty of unennobled man.

Having occasion to entertain at dinner a number of useful follows, he instructed his butler to transfer the labels from a number of empty bottles of champagne to an equal number of magnums of dry ginger-ale, at ten shillings the dozen, and these were placed on the table.

At the beginning of the repast his lordship casually drew attention to the wine which he was giving his guests, and asked for their candid opinion of it, as he was aware that they were all good judges, who knew a good thing when they saw it, and he would value their opinion.

And they one and all said it was an excellent champagne, and two or three made a note of it in their pocket-books.  And such was their loyal enthusiasm that the banquet ended in a fine glow of something exactly like hilarity.

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

“MARY-GIRL.”

“I’m not going to give up my daily bath!” In these pregnant and moving words rang the cri de coeur which was to precipitate the tragedy of Mary Sheppard.  To you the attitude of mind which provoked this cry may seem as natural as it was sanitary.  But you must understand that it ran directly counter to Ezra Sheppard’s ideal of the simple God-fearing life.  Godliness with him came first, and cleanliness followed where it could.  In his view a tub once a week was all that any sane person should need.  Apart from this hebdomadal use its proper function was to hold dirty dishes and soiled clothes for the washing.  And indeed this had at one time been Mary’s own view (though tempered by vague aspirations towards a softer existence, as we might have guessed from the elegance of her brown shoes) before a year of the higher life had shaken her content.  Let us go back.

[Illustration:  Mr. MCKINNEL (Ezra Sheppard) to Miss MAY BLAYNEY (Mary Sheppard).  “You’ve been lying again!  You know how I hate it—­I told you so in this very theatre when we were playing in Between Sunset and Dawn.”]