As for that old demijohn of a senator, it seemed he couldn’t hold enough, and wouldn’t if he could; so we directed the main battle against him, and opened a masked battery upon him, by uncovering a bottle of Otard; but he never flinched.  It was a game of Brag all over, and every one kept ordering ‘a little more grape.’  Presently, up slaps a mounted aid, galloping like mad, and in tumbles the sleepy orderly for the officer of the day.

“‘That’s you, Tim,’ says I. But Tim was just then singing the Star Spangled Banner in a convivial whisper to the tune of the Red, White, and Blue, and wouldn’t be disturbed on no account.

“‘Tumble out, Tim,’ says I, ’or I’ll have you court-martialled and shot.’

“‘In the neck,’ says Tim.  But he did manage to tumble out, and finished the last stanzas with a flourish, for the edification of the mounted aid-de-camp.

“‘Where’s the officer of the day?’ asked the aid, looking suspiciously at Tim’s shaky knees.

“‘He stands before you,’ replied Tim, steadying himself a little by affectionately hanging on to the horse’s tail.

“’You sir? you’re unfit for duty, and I’ll report you, sir, at headquarters,’ said the aid, who was a West Pointer, you know, stiff as a poker in regimentals.

“‘Sir!—­hic,’ replied Tim, with an attempt at offended dignity, the effect of which was rather spoiled by the accompanying hiccough.

“‘Where’s the colonel!’ asked the aid.

“‘Drunk,’ says that rascal, Tim, confidentially, with a knowing wink.

“‘Where’s the adjutant?’

“‘Drunk.’

“‘Good God, sir, are you all drunk?’

“‘’Cept the surgeon—­he’s got the measles.’

“’Orderly, give this dispatch, to the first sober officer you can find.’

“‘It’s no use, captain,’ says Tim, ’the regiment’s drunk—­’cept me, hic!’ and Tim lost his balance, and tumbled over the orderly, for you see the captain put spurs to his horse rather suddenly, and whisked the friendly tail out of his hands.

“So we were all up before the general the next day, but swore ourselves clear, all except Tim, who had the circumstantial evidence rather too strong against him.”

“And such are the men in whom the country has placed its trust?” muttered a grey-headed old gentleman, who, while apparently absorbed in his newspaper, had been listening to the colonel’s narrative.

A young man who had lounged into the room approached the party and caught the colonel’s eye: 

“Ah!  Searle, how are you?  Come up and take a drink.”