BACTERIA

  There once were some learned M.D.’s,
  Who captured some germs of disease,
    And infected a train
    Which, without causing pain,
  Allowed one to catch it with ease.

Two doctors met in the hall of the hospital.

“Well,” said the first, “what’s new this morning?”

“I’ve got a most curious case.  Woman, cross-eyed; in fact, so cross-eyed that when she cries the tears run down her back.”

“What are you doing for her?”

“Just now,” was the answer, “we’re treating her for bacteria.”

BADGES

Mrs. Philpots came panting downstairs on her way to the temperance society meeting.  She was a short, plump woman.  “Addie, run up to my room and get my blue ribbon rosette, the temperance badge,” she directed her maid.  “I have forgotten it.  You will know it, Addie—­blue ribbon and gold lettering.”

“Yas’m, I knows it right well.”  Addie could not read, but she knew a blue ribbon with gold lettering when she saw it, and therefore had not trouble in finding it and fastening it properly on the dress of her mistress.

At the meeting Mrs. Philpots was too busy greeting her friends to note that they smiled when they shook hands with her.  When she reached home supper was served, so she went directly to the dining-room, where the other members of the family were seated.

“Gracious me, Mother!” exclaimed her son:  “that blue ribbon—­you haven’t been wearing that at the temperance meeting?”

A loud laugh went up on all sides.

“Why, what is it, Harry?” asked the good woman, clutching at the ribbon in surprise.

“Why, Mother dear, didn’t you know that was the ribbon I won at the show?”

The gold lettering on the ribbon read: 

  INTERSTATE POULTRY SHOW
  First Prize Bantam

BAGGAGE

An Aberdonian went to spend a few days in London with his son, who had done exceptionally well in the great metropolis.  After their first greetings at King’s Cross Station, the young fellow remarked:  “Feyther, you are not lookin’ weel.  Is there anything the matter?” The old man replied, “Aye, lad, I have had quite an accident.”  “What was that, feyther?” “Mon,” he said, “on this journey frae bonnie Scotland I lost my luggage.”  “Dear, dear, that’s too bad; ’oo did it happen?” “Aweel” replied the Aberdonian, “the cork cam’ oot.”

Johnnie Poe, one of the famous Princeton football family, and incidentally a great-nephew of Edgar Allan Poe, was a general in the army of Honduras in one of their recent wars.  Finally, when things began to look black with peace and the American general discovered that his princely pay when translated into United States money was about sixty cents a day, he struck for the coast.  There he found a United States warship and asked transportation home.