“Did you tell the police?”

“Right away.”

“What did they do?”

“They said that while I was about it I might leave them a couple of thousand in the same place.”

Recipe for a policeman: 

  To a quart of boiling temper add a pint of Irish stew
    Together with cracked nuts, long beats and slugs;
  Serve hot with mangled citizens who ask the time of day—­
    The receipt is much the same for making thugs.

  —­Life.

See also Servants.

POLITENESS

See Courtesy; Etiquet.

POLITICAL PARTIES

ZOO SUPERINTENDENT—­“What was all the rumpus out there this morning?”

ATTENDANT—­“The bull moose and the elephant were fighting over their feed.”

“What happened?”

“The donkey ate it.”—­Life.

POLITICIANS

Politicians always belong to the opposite party.

The man who goes into politics as a business has no business to go into politics.—­Life.

A political orator, evidently better acquainted with western geography than with the language of the Greeks, recently exclaimed with fervor that his principles should prevail “from Alpha to Omaha.”

POLITICIAN—­“Congratulate me, my dear, I’ve won the nomination.”

HIS WIFE (in surprise)—­“Honestly?”

POLITICIAN—­“Now what in thunder did you want to bring up that point for?”

“What makes you think the baby is going to be a great politician?” asked the young mother, anxiously.

“I’ll tell you,” answered the young father, confidently; “he can say more things that sound well and mean nothing at all than any kid I ever saw.”

“The mere proposal to set the politician to watch the capitalist has been disturbed by the rather disconcerting discovery that they are both the same man.  We are past the point where being a capitalist is the only way of becoming a politician, and we are dangerously near the point where being a politician is much the quickest way of becoming a capitalist.”—­G.K.  Chesterton.

At a political meeting the speakers and the audience were much annoyed and disturbed by a man who constantly called out:  “Mr. Henry!  Henry, Henry, Henry!  I call for Mr. Henry!” After several interruptions of this kind during each speech, a young man ascended the platform, and began an eloquent and impassioned speech in which he handled the issues of the day with easy familiarity.  He was in the midst of a glowing period when suddenly the old cry echoed through the hall:  “Mr. Henry!  Henry, Henry, Henry!  I call for Mr. Henry!” With a word to the speaker, the chairman stepped to the front of the platform and remarked that it would oblige the audience very much if the gentleman in the rear of the hall would refrain from any further calls for Mr. Henry, as that gentleman was then addressing the meeting.