made me beg the brigade adjutant to visit you; while the matter is irregular, it is, however, known at brigade headquarters, so that it is in as good a shape as we know how to put it.  I cannot order you back into the ranks; you would not know what to do with yourself; what I suggest will relieve you from any danger hereafter of being supposed a deserter; we keep trace of you and can prove that you are still in the service and are obeying authority.”

“That settles it!” I exclaimed; “I had not thought of the possibility of being charged with desertion.”

“To tell you the truth, no more had I until this moment.  We must get authority from General Hill in this matter, in order to protect you fully.  At this very minute no doubt your orderly-sergeant and the adjutant of your regiment are reporting you absent without leave.  I must quit you for a while.”

* * * * *

What had seemed strangest to me was the lack of desire, on my part, to find my company.  I had tried, from the first moment of the proposition to join Company H, to analyze this reluctance in regard to my original company, and had at last confessed to myself that it was due to exaggerated sensitiveness.  Who were the men of my company? should I recognize them?  No; they would know me, but I should not know them.  This thought had been strong in holding me back from yielding to the doctor’s views; I had an almost morbid dread of being considered a curiosity.  So, I did not want to go back to my company; and as for going into Captain Haskell’s company, I considered that project but a temporary expedient—­my people would soon be found and I should be forced back where I belonged and be pointed out forever as a freak.  So I wanted to keep out of Company H and out of every other company; I wanted to go away—­to do something—­anything—­no matter what, if it would only keep me from being advertised and gazed upon.

Such had been my thoughts; but now, when Dr. Frost had brought before me the probability of my being already reported absent without leave, and the consequent possibility of being charged with desertion, I decided at once that I should go with Captain Haskell.  Whatever I might once have been, and whatever I might yet become, I was not and never should be a deserter.

When I next saw Dr. Frost I asked him when I should be strong enough for duty.

“You are fit for duty now,” said he; “that is, you are strong enough to march in case the army should move.  I do not intend, however, to let you go at once, unless there should be a movement; in that case I could not well keep you any longer.”

I replied that if I was strong enough to do duty, I did not wish to delay.  To this he responded that he would ask Captain Haskell to enroll me in his company at once, but to consider me on the sick list for a few days, in order that I might accustom myself gradually to new conditions.