“‘Hoor-rash-o!’ says the Major, comin’ to a sittin’ position.  ‘Hoor-rash-o!’ says he again, and then he went off like a pack of firecrackers.  A sneeze wouldn’t more’n get fairly started before another’d explode in the middle of it.  And the Major was as powerful a sneezer as he was talker.  Gee! them bass sneezes of his sounded like a freight-engine exhaust.  Mind you, he didn’t open his eyes; just sat there, covered with carmine and soothin’ syrup, rockin’ backward and forrard and sneezin’ like George Washington.  There was somethin’ kind of horrible about it.  Me ‘n’ Hadds looked on petrified.

“Then, ‘Oh, my poor husband!  What are they doin’ to you?’ says a v’ice behind us, and the Majoress skipped across the floor and fell on the Major.  That’s the word for it; she let go all holts an’ dropped, gatherin’ him up in her arms.

“‘What did you say, Willie?’ she asks.

“‘Hoor-rash-o!’ says the Major.  ’A-kissh-uuu! ha-ha-hrrrum-pah!  A-ketcheer!  Aketcher-hisssh-hoor-rash-o!’

“Now, Hadds, when he see the lady weepin’ that way, was all broke up.  He didn’t know about Keno’s goblet full of whiskey, so he thought it was genuine emotion.

“‘Don’t cry, ma’am,’ says he. ’’Twill be all right in a minute.  That red’s nothin’ but carmine and simple syrup—­it’ll all come out in the wash, and sneezin’s good for the man.’

“The Mayoress she rose and looked at Hadds.  There was a glare in her eye more’n human.  I read in a book once about the tremenjous dignity of the lady the trouble was all about.  It didn’t seem reasonable any female person could act that way till I see the Majoress.  She had dignity enough for two maiden ladies at a niece’s weddin’ and a nigger head-waiter.  The way she laid holt of Hadds’ collar was impressive a great deal more than I’m able to tell you.  Poor Hadds was faded.  He looked like a pup caught with a chicken in his mouth.  They made a grand march to the general goods counter, the Majoress still resemblin’ a foreign queen.  Arrived there, she took up a hairbrush, and with a motion the grandest I ever see in a human bein’ she brought it down atop of Hadds’ head.  Whacko!—­Christmas, what a crack.

“‘Now, will you let my Willie alone?’ says she.

“Hadds jumped up and down and rubbed his head.

“‘What ails you?’ says he, near cryin’.

“‘Hadds!’ I remonstrated to him, ‘remember you’re speakin’ to a lady.’

“‘Lady!’ yells Hadds.  ‘Lady!  Look at the lump on my head!’

“It was at this unfortunate minute a young feller see fit to come into the store to buy some matches.  He stopped a minute, as he took a general view.  There was the Major, apparently bleedin’ profusely, yet not carin’ a great deal, seemin’ more concerned in rockin’ bac’ard and forrard and sneezin’.  His manner seemed to say, ’So long as you don’t interfere with the innocent pleasures of a sneeze I don’t care what breaks.’  There was Hadds rubbin’ his head:  there was me with my mouth open; and there was the Majoress, leanin’ over the counter and smilin’ a dark, mysterious smile.