“No,” I ses, looking at ’im.

“I want to look the real thing,” he ses, speaking low so the landlord shouldn’t hear.  “I want to make myself the living image of you.  If that don’t fetch ’em I’ll give up the stage and grow cabbages.”

“Make yourself like me?” I ses.  “Why, you’re no more like me than I’m like a sea-sick monkey.”

“Not so much,” he ses.  “That’s where the art comes in.”

He stood me another drink, and then, taking my arm in a cuddling sort o’ way, and calling me “Dear boy,” ’e led me back to the wharf and explained.  He said ’e would come round next evening with wot ’e called his make-up box, and paint ’is face and make ’imself up till people wouldn’t know one from the other.

“And wot about your figger?” I ses, looking at ’im.

“A cushion,” he ses, winking, “or maybe a couple.  And what about clothes?  You’ll ’ave to sell me those you’ve got on.  Hat and all.  And boots.”

I put a price on ’em that I thought would ’ave finished ’im then and there, but it didn’t.  And at last, arter paying me so many more compliments that they began to get into my ’ead, he fixed up a meeting for the next night and went off.

“And mind,” he ses, coming back, “not a word to a living soul!”

He went off agin, and, arter going to the Bull’s Head and ’aving a pint to clear my ’ead, I went and sat down in the office and thought it over.  It seemed all right to me as far as I could see; but p’r’aps the pint didn’t clear my ’ead enough—­p’r’aps I ought to ’ave ’ad two pints.

I lay awake best part of next day thinking it over, and when I got up I ’ad made up my mind.  I put my clothes in a sack, and then I put on some others as much like ’em as possible, on’y p’r’aps a bit older, in case the missis should get asking questions; and then I sat wondering ’ow to get out with the sack without ’er noticing it.  She’s got a very inquiring mind, and I wasn’t going to tell her any lies about it.  Besides which I couldn’t think of one.

I got out at last by playing a game on her.  I pertended to drop ’arf a dollar in the washus, and while she was busy on ’er hands and knees I went off as comfortable as you please.

I got into the office with it all right, and, just as it was getting dark, a cab drove up to the wharf and the actor-chap jumped out with a big leather bag.  I took ’im into the private office, and ’e was so ready with ’is money for the clothes that I offered to throw the sack in.

He changed into my clothes fust of all, and then, asking me to sit down in front of ’im, he took a looking-glass and a box out of ’is bag and began to alter ’is face.  Wot with sticks of coloured paint, and false eyebrows, and a beard stuck on with gum and trimmed with a pair o’ scissors, it was more like a conjuring trick than anything else.  Then ’e took a wig out of ’is bag and pressed it on his ’ead, put on the cap, put some black stuff on ’is teeth, and there he was.  We both looked into the glass together while ’e gave the finishing touches, and then he clapped me on the back and said I was the handsomest sailorman in England.