An’ then, when us took an’ thowt as ’twould be ‘ay-makin’ next week, an’ dry weather all round, us stuud i’ the road and spak our thowts out.

“Dom the KEYSER!” says Peter Ledbetter, to gie us a start like.

“Niver knowed sich a thing afore in all my born days,” says Bertie Mayo.  “Niver knowed The Bell shut yet, not since ’twas first opened six years afore th’ ould QUEEN come to the throne.”

“Reckon sich a thing niver ‘appened afore i’ the history o’ Dovedale parish,” says Johnnie Tarplett.

“Niver since WILL’UM CONQUEROR,” says Jim Peyton.

“Niver since NOAH ’isself,” says Tom Figgures.

“‘Tis a nepoch, look you,” says Peter Ledbetter.  An’ though us didn’ know what ’a meant no more’n ’a did ’isself, us were inclined to agree wi ’m.  Oh, ‘tis a Greek word meanin’ a stoppage, is it?  Well, if what you say be trew, Peter Ledbetter was right ‘owever, an’ them Greeks is at the bottom of all the trouble, as I said in The Bell five nights ago—­my son bein’ at Salonika, as you do know, Sir.

An’ arter a bit us all went along home, all on us tryin’ to remember what us knowed about home-brewin’.  An’ if you gentlefolks doan’t get your washin’ done praperly this wik ‘tis along o’ the tubs bein’ otherwise engaaged.

W.B.

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COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

    “By partial dissembling we are able to offer this high-grade
    Car at a price within the reach of those desiring the
    best.”—­New Zealand Herald.

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    “At Ormskirk rejected army horses sold by auction realised
    L30 to L60.  The average was over L30.”—­Sunday Chronicle.

We always like to have our sums done for us.

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HOW TO UNBOOM OUR HOLIDAY RESORTS.

[Illustration:  BEACHVILLE IS TOO BRACING!

If you have a LIVER, BEACHVILLE will make you feel ABSOLUTELY ROTTEN!

If you have not, BEACHVILLE will give you one within 24 HOURS!]

[Illustration:  CHALKCLIFFE NO PLACE FOR CHILDREN

Children who do not fall off the cliffs invariably catch measles.

Many do both.]

[Illustration:  SHRIMPINGTON THE GRAND(!) PARADE ON A WET DAY

STATISTICS show that the AVERAGE RAINFALL at SHRIMPINGTON is HIGHER than that at any other watering-place in the United Kingdom.]

[Illustration:  BARWASH For BEASTLY BATHING from a BEACH of BROKEN BOTTLES

If this doesn’t put you off, write to the Town Clerk for the Medical Officer’s report on the Town Water Supply.]

[In view of the official discouragement of railway-travelling something should be done to eradicate from the minds of the public any favourable impressions created by the posters of the past.]

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