a Party in the Play of Husband and Wife.  This Passion for being well with the Females still increased as I advanced in Years.  At the Dancing-School I contracted so many Quarrels by struggling with my Fellow-Scholars for the Partner I liked best, that upon a Ball Night, before our Mothers made their Appearance, I was usually up to the Nose in Blood.  My Father, like a discreet Man, soon removed me from this Stage of Softness to a School of Discipline, where I learnt Latin and Greek.  I underwent several Severities in this Place, ’till it was thought convenient to send me to the University; though, to confess the Truth, I should not have arrived so early at that Seat of Learning, but from the Discovery of an Intrigue between me and my Master’s House-Keeper; upon whom I had employed my Rhetorick so effectually, that, though she was a very elderly Lady, I had almost brought her to consent to marry me.  Upon my Arrival at Oxford, I found Logick so dry, that, instead of giving Attention to the Dead, I soon fell to addressing the Living.  My first Amour was with a pretty Girl whom I shall call Parthenope:  Her Mother sold Ale by the Town-Wall.  Being often caught there by the Proctor, I was forced at last, that my Mistress’s Reputation might receive no Blemish, to confess my Addresses were honourable.  Upon this I was immediately sent Home; but Parthenope soon after marrying a Shoe-maker, I was again suffered to return.  My next Affair was with my Taylor’s Daughter, who deserted me for the sake of a young Barber.  Upon my complaining to one of my particular Friends of this Misfortune, the cruel Wagg made a meer Jest of my Calamity, and asked me with a Smile, Where the Needle should turn but to the Pole? [1] After this I was deeply in Love with a Milliner, and at last with my Bed-maker, upon which I was sent away, or in the University Phrase, Rusticated for ever.

’Upon my coming home, I settled to my Studies so heartily, and contracted so great a Reservedness by being kept from the Company I most affected, that my Father thought he might venture me at the Temple.

’Within a Week after my Arrival I began to shine again, and became enamour’d with a mighty pretty Creature, who had every thing but Mony to recommend her.  Having frequent Opportunities of uttering all the soft things which an Heart formed for Love could inspire me with, I soon gained her Consent to treat of Marriage; but unfortunately for us all, in the Absence of my Charmer I usually talked the same Language to her elder Sister, who is also very pretty.  Now I assure you, Mr. SPECTATOR, this did not proceed from any real Affection I had conceived for her; but being a perfect Stranger to the Conversation of Men, and strongly addicted to associate with the Women, I knew no other Language but that of Love.  I should however be very much obliged to you, if you could free me from the Perplexity I am at present in.