A Man who has a good Nose at an Innuendo, smells Treason and Sedition in the most innocent Words that can be put together, and never sees a Vice or Folly stigmatized, but finds out one or other of his Acquaintance pointed at by the Writer.  I remember an empty pragmatical Fellow in the Country, who upon reading over the whole Duty of Man, had written the Names of several Persons in the Village at the Side of every Sin which is mentioned by that excellent Author; so that he had converted one of the best Books in the World into a Libel against the ’Squire, Church-wardens, Overseers of the Poor, and all other the most considerable Persons in the Parish.  This Book with these extraordinary marginal Notes fell accidentally into the Hands of one who had never seen it before; upon which there arose a current Report that Somebody had written a Book against the ’Squire and the whole Parish.  The Minister of the Place having at that Time a Controversy with some of his Congregation upon the Account of his Tythes, was under some Suspicion of being the Author, ’till the good Man set his People right by shewing them that the satyrical Passages might be applied to several others of two or three neighbouring Villages, and that the Book was writ against all the Sinners in England.

* * * * *

No. 569.  Monday, July 19, 1714.  Addison.

  ’Reges dicuntur multis urgere culullis
  Et torquere mero, quem perspexisse laborent,
  An sit amicitia dignus—­’

  Hor.

No Vices are so incurable as those which Men are apt to glory in.  One would wonder how Drunkenness should have the good Luck to be of this Number. Anacharsis, being invited to a Match of Drinking at Corinth, demanded the Prize very humorously, because he was drunk before any of the rest of the Company:  for, says he, when we run a Race, he who arrives at the Goal first is entitled to the Reward.  On the contrary, in this thirsty Generation, the Honour falls upon him who carries off the greatest Quantity of Liquor, and knocks down the rest of the Company.  I was the other Day with honest Will.  Funnell the West Saxon, who was reckoning up how much Liquor had past through him in the last twenty Years of his Life, which, according to his Computation, amounted to twenty three Hogsheads of October, four Ton of Port, half a Kilderkin of small Beer, nineteen Barrels of Cider, and three Glasses of Champaign; besides which, he had assisted at four hundred Bowls of Punch, not to mention Sips, Drams, and Whets without Number.  I question not but every Reader’s Memory will suggest to him several ambitious young Men, who are as vain in this Particular as Will.  Funnell, and can boast of as glorious Exploits.

Our modern Philosophers observe, that there is a general Decay of Moisture in the Globe of the Earth.  This they chiefly ascribe to the Growth of Vegetables, which incorporate into their own Substance many fluid Bodies that never return again to their former Nature:  But, with Submission, they ought to throw into their Account those innumerable rational Beings which fetch their Nourishment chiefly out of Liquids; especially when we consider that Men, compared with their Fellow-Creatures, drink much more than comes to their Share.