I hope this short Essay will convince my Readers, it is not for want of Abilities that I avoid State-tracts, and that if I would apply my Mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a Master of the Political Scratch as any the most eminent Writer of the Age.  I shall only add, that in order to outshine all this Modern Race of Syncopists, and thoroughly content my English Readers, I intend shortly to publish a SPECTATOR, that shall not have a single Vowel in it.

[Footnote 1:  For ‘Marlborough’ and ‘Treasurer.’]

[Footnote 2:  [Reader.]]

* * * * *

No. 568.  Friday, July 16, 1714.  Addison.

  ‘—­Dum recitas, incipit esse Tuus—­’

  Mart.

I was Yesterday in a Coffee-House not far from the Royal Exchange, where I observed three Persons in close Conference over a Pipe of Tobacco; upon which, having filled one for my own use, I lighted it at the little Wax Candle that stood before them; and after having thrown in two or three Whiffs amongst them, sat down and made one of the Company.  I need not tell my Reader, that lighting a Man’s Pipe at the same Candle, is looked upon among Brother-smokers as an Overture to Conversation and Friendship.  As we here lay our Heads together in a very amicable Manner, being intrenched under a Cloud of our own raising, I took up the last SPECTATOR, and casting my Eye over it, The SPECTATOR, says I, is very witty to-Day; upon which a lusty lethargick old Gentleman, who sat at the Upper-end of the Table, having gradually blown out of his Mouth a great deal of Smoke, which he had been collecting for some Time before, Ay, says he, more witty than wise I am afraid. His Neighbour who sat at his right Hand immediately coloured, and being an angry Politician, laid down his Pipe with so much Wrath that he broke it in the Middle, and by that Means furnished me with a Tobacco-stopper.  I took it up very sedately, and looking him full in the Face, made use of it from Time to Time all the while he was speaking:  This fellow, says he, can’t for his Life keep out of Politicks.  Do you see how he abuses four great Men here? I fix’d my Eye very attentively on the Paper, and asked him if he meant those who were represented by Asterisks. Asterisks, says he, do you call them? they are all of them Stars.  He might as well have put Garters to ’em.  Then pray do but mind the two or three next Lines?  Ch-rch and P-dd-ing in the same Sentence!  Our Clergy are very much beholden to him. Upon this the third Gentleman, who was of a mild Disposition, and, as I found, a Whig in his Heart, desired him not to be too severe upon the SPECTATOR neither; For, says he, you find he is very cautious of giving Offence, and has therefore put two Dashes into his Pudding.  A Fig for his Dash, says the angry Politician. In his next Sentence he gives a plain Innuendo,