MRS. COTTER
Very likely!

HEAD Well, as I was sayin’, I might be in America, or New York, Boston, Chicago, or any o’ thim foreign places, an’ you might be in this very house, or up in your sister’s house, or takin’ a walk down the town, an’ I’d think o’ some thought, an’ at that very second you’d think o’ the same thought, an’ nayther of us would know that we were both thinkin’ o’ the same thing.  That’s tellepattery, ma’am.

MRS. COTTER
‘Tis a surprisin’ thing, surely!  Is it hot or cold you’ll
have the whiskey, Head?

HEAD
Cold, if ye please.

[Exit Mrs. Cotter.  While she is away, he walks up and down whistling some popular air.  Enter Mrs. Cotter.

MRS. COTTER
Will I bring it up-stairs for you?

HEAD
Indeed, I’m givin’ you too much trouble as it is.  I’ll
try an’ take it where I am. (Takes glass and tastes)
That is good stuff.

MRS. COTTER
I’m glad you like it.

HEAD
Who wouldn’t like it?

MRS. COTTER
I don’t know the taste of it.

HEAD (as he finishes contents of glass) May ye be always so, though there’s nothin’ like it all the same. (Handing coin) I think I’ll have a little drop from meself this time.

MRS. COTTER (as she takes the money)
Will I bring it up-stairs?

HEAD
Erra, don’t bother!  I’m beginnin’ to feel meself again.

[Fills his pipe until she returns.

MRS. COTTER (entering and handing drink)
Did you bring your overcoat with you, Head?

HEAD
Why so, ma’am?

MRS. COTTER Because the cold o’ the rain is there.  I wouldn’t make any delay but go home immediately.  You might get a wettin’.

HEAD (feeling his tunic)
This wouldn’t leave in a drop o’ rain in a hundred
years, ma’am.

[Knock at door.

MRS. COTTER
Who’s there?

VOICE
Police!

HEAD
Police, did I hear?

MRS. COTTER
’Tis the Sergeant’s voice.

HEAD
Glory to be God!  I’m ruined!  If he finds the smell o’
whiskey from me, he’ll tell the Inspector, an’ then
Head Constable Mulligan is no more!

MRS. COTTER
Is he as bad as that?

HEAD He has no conscience at all.  He’s a friend o’ the Inspector’s. (Knocking continues at door) Don’t open that door till I tell you—­that’s if you don’t want to find a corpse on the floor.

MRS. COTTER
Sure, I must open the door.

HEAD
Time enough.  He’s paid for waitin’.  Have you such
a thing as an onion in the house?

MRS. COTTER
I didn’t see an onion for the last three weeks.

HEAD (scratching his head) What the blazes will I do? (Looking towards coal hole) Whist!  I’m saved.  I’ll go in here until he’s gone. (Goes in and puts out his head) You can open now, but get rid of him as soon as you can.