Clara had him Pulled In, Strung and Hung over the side of the Boat.

Of course if all the other Girls had been in Town, they would have Tumbled long before it ran into a Certainty, and probably they would have formed a V and rushed in to break up the Play.  But the other Girls were Far Away with the Old Men and the Seminary Striplings.  Clara had an Open Field, with no need of any Interfering or Blocking, and if she Fell Down it was her own Fault.  Besides, she had all these other Admirers set out as Decoys to prove that if he didn’t, somebody else might.

The Treasurer of the Shoe Factory got a large Rally on himself, and she had to Give In and make a Promise.

He loves to tell Callers how he proposed to his Wife in the Kitchen, and he doesn’t know to this Day that she was Expecting it.

MORAL:  As soon as he begins to Frequent the Back Rooms of the House, measure him for the Harness.

THE FABLE OF THE MAN-GRABBER WHO WENT OUT OF HIS CLASS

While standing in front of his Store, between two Dummies in Seersucker Suits, one of the Chosen People spotted a Good Thing that resembled a Three-Sheet of the Old Homestead.  It was looking up at the Top Stories and bumping against Hydrants and Unsurpassed Coffee Bulletins.  The flip Yahooda, with the City Education and Thirty Centuries of Commercial Training to back him up, saw that here was a Chance to work off some Old Stock.  So when the mild old Gentleman with the strawcolored Sluggers and the Freckles on his Wrists came near enough, he Closed with him and told him to come inside and look at a New Style called the McKinley Overcoat because the President had one just like it.

Uncle Eck replied that he did not really need an Overcoat, as he had traded for one only a few Seasons before, but he was willing to go in and Look Around, and if he did not buy anything he reckoned there wouldn’t be any Hard Feelings.  Accordingly he walked straight into the Trap and permitted Mr. Zangwill to show him an Assortment of Shoddy Garments fastened together with Mucilage.  The Crafty Merchant came down from $38 to $6.50, and showed him a Confidential Letter from his Cousin Sig to prove that the Goods had been Smuggled in, but old Peaceful Valley refused to Bite.  He allowed the Proprietor to talk himself out, and then he walked up and down the Counters, careless-like, to see what was on the Shelves, and he did some quiet Figuring in a Memorandum Book such as they give away at Drug Stores.  Before he left he had Traded 20 Acres of flinty Hillside in New Hampshire for the Clothing Store, the Mortgage on the Land to be Assumed by the New Owner, and he had $75 to Boot and an Agreement in Writing.

[Illustration:  THE TRAPPER]

The Hauler-In is now Clerking and trying to Hold Out enough to give him another Start.

MORAL:  Lower Broadway is not New England.

THE FABLE OF THE INVETERATE JOKER WHO REMAINED IN MONTANA