In these circumstances the O.C. is pleased to grant an extension to all ranks until twelve midnight.

P. PIPSKY,

Captain and Agitant.

* * * * *

A SUPER-MORMON.

“A Nelson soldier in a letter states that General ——­ informed his unit that he had 2,000 wives to ship out to New Zealand, and another 2,000 would be ready to leave England during the next few months.”—­New Zealand Paper.

* * * * *

  There was an industrial freak,
  As a labourer sadly to seek;
    But he leapt into fame
    By preferring a claim
  For a general Ten-Minutes’ Week.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Vicar (to parishioner who has violent quarrels with her neighbour), “MRS. CRABBE SENT A MESSAGE THAT SHE HAS QUITE FORGIVEN YOU.  WHAT MESSAGE CAN I TAKE TO HER?”

Parishioner.  “YOU CAN SAY I ’OPE SHE’LL DIE ’APPY.”]

* * * * *

FEARFUL ODDS.

  There’s no fear that strikes so dumb,
  None so hard to overcome,
  As the thought that there are two
  Eyes that may be watching you. 
  Here’s a perfect illustration
  Of that sickening sensation.

  Young Lieutenant Jimmy Spry’s
  Power resided in his eyes;
  He’d been able all his days
  To revolve them different ways. 
  For example, let’s suppose
  That the right one watched his nose,
  Then the left—­you’ll think it queer—­
  Turned towards his dexter ear. 
  But what really made him great
  Was—­he always saw things straight.

  Out in France, a year ago,
  He was cornered by the foe;
  Neither party had a gun,
  But the odds were three to one
  And the Huns were fit and strong;
  One was lean and very long,
  One was short and stout of calf,
  While the third was half and half.

  Jimmy, spoiling for a fight,
  Fixed the short one with his right,
  While his left with martial glare
  Met the long ’un’s startled stare;
  But—­I know it sounds absurd—­
  He was looking at the third.

  Jimmy was, I’d have you know,
  Something of a boxing pro.,
  So he knew the golden maxim: 
  “He who eyes his man best whacks him.” 
  Shorty, when he saw the grim
  Optic that was turned on him,
  Thinking Jimmy’s fist looked hard
  Prudently remained on guard. 
  Canny Hun!  And who can blame
  Longshanks if he did the same? 
  But our hero, irritated,
  Grassed the third man while they waited.