Then Barnaby, the editor of the Fiery Cross, made me—­in spite of my spasmodic efforts to escape—­Dramatic Critic.  He is a fine, healthy man, Barnaby, with an enormous head of frizzy black hair and a convincing manner, and he caught me on the staircase going to see Wembly.  He had been dining, and was more than usually buoyant.  “Hullo, Cummins!” he said.  “The very man I want!” He caught me by the shoulder or the collar or something, ran me up the little passage, and flung me over the waste-paper basket into the arm-chair in his office.  “Pray be seated,” he said, as he did so.  Then he ran across the room and came back with some pink and yellow tickets and pushed them into my hand.  “Opera Comique,” he said, “Thursday; Friday, the Surrey; Saturday, the Frivolity.  That’s all, I think.”

“But—­” I began.

“Glad you’re free,” he said, snatching some proofs off the desk and beginning to read.

“I don’t quite understand,” I said.

“Eigh?” he said, at the top of his voice, as though he thought I had gone and was startled at my remark.

“Do you want me to criticise these plays?”

“Do something with ’em...  Did you think it was a treat?”

“But I can’t.”

“Did you call me a fool?”

“Well, I’ve never been to a theatre in my life.”

“Virgin soil.”

“But I don’t know anything about it, you know.”

“That’s just it.  New view.  No habits.  No cliches in stock.  Ours is a live paper, not a bag of tricks.  None of your clockwork professional journalism in this office.  And I can rely on your integrity——­”

“But I’ve conscientious scruples——­”

He caught me up suddenly and put me outside his door.  “Go and talk to Wembly about that,” he said.  “He’ll explain.”

As I stood perplexed, he opened the door again, said, “I forgot this,” thrust a fourth ticket into my hand (it was for that night—­in twenty minutes’ time) and slammed the door upon me.  His expression was quite calm, but I caught his eye.

I hate arguments.  I decided that I would take his hint and become (to my own destruction) a Dramatic Critic.  I walked slowly down the passage to Wembly.  That Barnaby has a remarkable persuasive way.  He has made few suggestions during our very pleasant intercourse of four years that he has not ultimately won me round to adopting.  It may be, of course, that I am of a yielding disposition; certainly I am too apt to take my colour from my circumstances.  It is, indeed, to my unfortunate susceptibility to vivid impressions that all my misfortunes are due.  I have already alluded to the slight stammer I had acquired from a schoolfellow in my youth.  However, this is a digression...  I went home in a cab to dress.