I stood up for myself, and should have been foolish to speak against my own interest.  I counted that this kind of reasoning would hasten the evolution of her soul, encourage her, and finally justify her in her own eyes.  Considering her great sensitiveness, I thought some of it would take root.  She understood me perfectly, and I could see that every word thrilled her nerves; her color came and went; she put her hands to her burning face to cool it.  At last, when I had ceased speaking, she replied:—­

“Everything may be proved in some way or other; but when we do wrong our conscience tells us, ‘It is wrong, wrong!’ and nothing can convince it to the contrary.”

Young Chwastowski must have thought Aniela wanting in philosophical development, and as to myself I had a sensation like that, for instance, when a weapon comes into contact with a stone wall.  Aniela’s reply, in its simplicity and dogmatism, brought to naught all my arguments.  For if the principle that the will ends where love steps in might be open to doubt, there is no doubt whatever that where dogma begins reasoning ceases.  Women generally, and Polish women especially, agree with logic as long as it does not bring them into danger.  At the approach of danger they shelter themselves behind the fortifications of simple faith and catechismal truth, which strong feeling might force to surrender, but reasoning, never.  It is their weakness, and at the same time their strength.  In consequence of this their power of reasoning is weaker than man’s, but their saintliness in certain conditions becomes unassailable.  The devil can lead a woman astray only when he inspires her with love; by way of reasoning he can do nothing, even if for once he has the right on his side.

In presence of these reflections I feel disheartened.  I am thinking that any structure, however cleverly and artfully raised by me, will be pulled down by the simple words:  “It is wrong; conscience does not permit it.”

In presence of that I am powerless.  I must be very careful so as not to estrange or frighten her by the boldness of ideas I try to acclimatize in her mind.  And yet I cannot give up all endeavors of this kind.  Though they do not occupy the first place in the plan of subduing her, they may hasten the solution.  They would be of no use whatever if it were true that she did not love me.  If I had made a mistake,—­but even then there would be some kind of solution.

29 May.

To-day I found Aniela standing on a chair before the old Dantzic clock which had gone wrong.  At the moment she raised herself on tip-toe to reach the hands, the chair gave way.  I had only time to cry out, “Take care! you are falling!” I caught her in my arms, and put her on the floor.  For the twinkling of an eye I held the dear girl in my arms, her hair touched my face, her breath fanned my cheek.  I felt so dizzy that I had to steady myself by grasping the back of a chair,—­and she saw it.  She knows I love her madly.  I cannot write any more.