Four days later he was notified that the transaction was approved.  After waiting till he was reasonably certain that the correspondence was safely lost, burnt or consigned to impenetrable archives, he sent the following wire:—­

“Reference my R.L.217, dated April 1st, for ‘bottle’ read ‘cart.’”

The reply came back, “Noted.”

PATLANDER.

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[Illustration:  ANOTHER TUBE CRUSH.]

* * * * *

[Illus:  Instructress.  “ALL YOU WANT NOW IS A LITTLE POLISHING.”]

* * * * *

OUR WONDERFUL WORLD.

    “Three Geese and Gander, Four Chicks and Drake; all laying.”—­
    Bolton Evening News

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    “Mr. Marston, the President [of the Policemen’s Union], stated
    that the time for action will arrive after the tripe alliance at
    Southport on June 24.”——­Provincial Paper

An offal prospect.

* * * * *

“The pages were in the khaki uniform of the Cadet Corps of the 1st-5th crepe de chine, trimmed with cream lace and blue crepe de chine, trimmed with cream lace and blue ribbons, and carried directoire silver-knobbed sticks, tied with blue ribbon and pink roses, gifts of the bridegroom.”—­Mid-Devon Times.

The 1st-5th have always been famous for their dressiness.

* * * * *

THE ARCHAEOLOGISTS; OR, THE FIGHT AGAINST REACTION.

MY DEAR KNOTT,—­It has occurred to me that since the closing of our little V.A.D. depot there is a good deal of energy in Filby without a suitable outlet, and I am writing to you on the matter as I feel sure you will have some helpful suggestion to make.

Of course a great deal of this energy might be profitably expended on the ever-increasing spiritual needs of the parish, but I feel that if some society of a secular character were got up just now it would be helpful, especially to the female portion of our community.

    Miss Timlin has suggested a Philatelic Society, and I shall be
    pleased to hear your views on her proposal.

    Believe me,

    Yours ever sincerely,

    THEODORE BLAND.

DEAR VICAR,—­I have your letter and quite agree as to the advisability of starting some society for working off the latent energy which has accumulated since the demise of the War and the consequent closing down of War activities.  I do not however fancy Philately as a safety-valve.  I suppose one could stand up to stick stamps in a book, and would get a certain amount of physical exercise in going about swapping duds and duplicates, but generally speaking it is a sedentary occupation and, to my mind, a selfish one.