MR. H. No, Madam; Milton.  Where was I?  O, “fair defects.”  This gave occasion to a critic in company, to deliver his opinion on the phrase—­that led to an enumeration of all the various words which might have been used instead of “defect,” as want, absence, poverty, deficiency, lack.  This moment I, who had not been attending to the progress of the argument (as the denouement will shew) starting suddenly up out of one of my reveries, by some unfortunate connexion of ideas, which the last fatal word had excited, the devil put it into my head to turn round to the Nabob, who was sitting next me, and in a very marked manner (as it seemed to the company) to put the question to him, Pray, Sir, what may be the exact value of a lack of rupees?  You may guess the confusion which followed.

FIRST LADY
What a distressing circumstance!

SECOND LADY
To a delicate mind—­

THIRD LADY
How embarrassing—­

FOURTH LADY
I declare I quite pity you.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
Puppy!

MR. H. A Baronet at the table, seeing my dilemma, jogged my elbow; and a good-natured Duchess, who does every thing with a grace peculiar to herself, trod on my toes at that instant:  this brought me to myself, and—­covered with blushes, and pitied by all the ladies—­I withdrew.

FIRST LADY
How charmingly he tells a story.

SECOND LADY
But how distressing!

MR. H. Lord Squandercounsel, who is my particular friend, was pleased to rally me in his inimitable way upon it next day.  I shall never forget a sensible thing he said on the occasion—­speaking of absence of mind, my foible—­says he, my dear Hogs—­

SEVERAL LADIES
Hogs——­what—­ha—­

MR. H.
My dear Hogsflesh—­my name—­(here an universal scream)—­O my cursed
unfortunate tongue!—­H, I mean—­Where was I?

FIRST LADY
Filthy—­abominable!

SECOND LADY
Unutterable!

THIRD LADY
Hogs——­foh!

FOURTH LADY
Disgusting!

FIFTH LADY
Vile!

SIXTH LADY
Shocking!

FIRST LADY
Odious!

SECOND LADY
Hogs——­pah!

THIRD LADY
A smelling bottle—­look to Miss Melesinda.  Poor thing! it is no wonder. 
You had better keep off from her, Mr. Hogsflesh, and not be pressing
about her in her circumstances.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
Good time of day to you, Mr. Hogsflesh.

SECOND GENTLEMAN
The compliments of the season to you, Mr. Hogsflesh.

MR. H.
This is too much—­flesh and blood cannot endure it.

FIRST GENTLEMAN
What flesh?—­hog’s-flesh?

SECOND GENTLEMAN
How he sets up his bristles!

MR. H.
Bristles!

FIRST GENTLEMAN
He looks as fierce as a hog in armour.

MR. H.
A hog!——­Madam!——­(here he severally accosts the ladies, who by
turns repel him).