Comic History of England eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 89 pages of information about Comic History of England.

Comic History of England eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 89 pages of information about Comic History of England.

Richard’s father, the Duke of York, while struggling one day with Henry VI., the royal jackass that flourished in 1460, prior to the conquest of the Fool-Killer, had the misfortune, while trying to wrest the throne from Henry, to get himself amputated at the second joint.  He was brought home in two pieces, and ceased to draw a salary as a duke from that on.  This cast a gloom over Richard, and inspired in his breast a strong desire to cut off the heads of a few casual acquaintances.

He was but eight years of age at this time, and was taken prisoner and sent to Utrecht, Holland.  He was returned in good order the following year.  His elder brother Edward having become king, under the title of Edward IV., Richard was then made Duke of Gloucester, Lord High Admiral, Knight of the Garter, and Earl of Balmoral.

It was at this time that he made the celebrated bon-mot relative to dogs as pets.

Having been out the evening before attending a watermelon recital in the country, and having contributed a portion of his clothing to a barbed-wire fence and the balance to an open-faced Waterbury bull-dog, some one asked him what he thought of the dog as a pet.

Richard drew himself up to his full height, and said that, as a rule, he favored the dog as a pet, but that the man who got too intimate with the common low-browed bull-dog of the fifteenth century would find that it must certainly hurt him in the end.

[Illustration:  THE MAN WHO GOT TOO INTIMATE WITH THE COMMON LOW-BROWED BULL-DOG.]

He resided for several years under the tutelage of the Earl of Warwick, who was called the “Kingmaker,” and afterwards, in 1470, fled to Flanders, remaining fled for some time.  He commanded the van of the Yorkist army at the battle of Barnet, April 14, 1471, and Tewkesbury, May 4, fighting gallantly at both places on both sides, it is said, and admitting it in an article which he wrote for an English magazine.

He has been accused of having murdered Prince Edward after the battle, and also his father, Henry VI., in the Tower a few days later, but it is not known to be a fact.

Richard was attainted and outlawed by Parliament at one time; but he was careful about what he ate, and didn’t get his feet wet, so, at last, having a good preamble and constitution, he pulled through.

He married his own cousin, Anne Neville, who made a first-rate queen.  She got so that it was no trouble at all for her to reign while Dick was away attending to his large slaughtering interests.

Richard at this time was made Lord High Constable and Keeper of the Pound.  He was also Justiciary of North Wales, Seneschal of the Duchy of Lancaster, and Chief of Police on the North Side.

His brother Clarence was successfully executed for treason in February, 1478, and Richard, without a moment’s hesitation, came to the front and inherited the estates.

[Illustration:  RICHARD HAD A STORMY TIME.]

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Project Gutenberg
Comic History of England from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.