Farrier.  “I HEAR AS HOW THAT ADMIRAL BEATTY IS LIKELY TO BECOME A PUBLIC MAN.”

Customer.  “HOW DO YOU MEAN?”

Farrier.  “WHY, I HEAR SOME TALK OF HIM BEING MASTER OF THE QUORN.”]

* * * * *

THE BET.

The Colonel was, as usual, laying down the law.

“Economy!” he said with a snort; “economy’s dead.  No one cares about saving money any more.  No one cares about the value of money.  We are asked excessive prices and we pay them.  We eat, drink and are merry—­or approximately so—­and be hanged to you!  With the exception of the halfpenny stamp we put on circulars I can think of nothing that has not gone up or, in other words, lost buying power.  I defy anyone to name a thing that hasn’t.”

He glowered fiercely and challengingly around.

“I repeat,” he said, “that the purchasing power of money is not what it was in any respect.  The other day, for instance, I bought a new hat.  I used to pay a guinea; it is now thirty-two and six.  And a worse hat probably.  What do you think I was charged for soling and heeling shoes?  One pound ten!  And worse leather.  That’s partly what I mean by the loss of purchasing power; where the price may in some extraordinary way remain the same, the quality of the article paid for is inferior.  There’s a steady deterioration.  Can anyone name a case where I am wrong?”

His red eyes again defied us.

“Yes, I can,” said a meek voice.

The Colonel subjected the speaker to a long and ferocious scrutiny.

“You can’?” he said at last.

“Yes,” replied the meek voice.  “Will you bet on it?”

“Bet on it?  Most certainly I will,” said the Colonel, who has done fairly well in wagers in his time.  “How much?”

“What you like,” replied the meek voice.

“Very well,” said the Colonel, “make it a tenner.”

“With pleasure,” was the rejoinder.  “The bet is that I can’t name a single thing which has not either increased in price or decreased in quality since the War?”

“Yes,” said the Colonel.

We all sat up and waited, as though for the maroons in the old, old days.

“Well,” said the meek voice, “the cost of pulling a communication cord is I still five pounds, and you can have just as good a pull as ever.”

* * * * *

ON THE SAFE SIDE.

  “Why, what’s this, Ben, they’re telling me?—­
  Eighty and going to get a wife! 
  Gaffer, I thought you’d surely be
  A snug old bachelor for life.”

  “Well, Sur, ye see I allus meant
  To take ole Martha some fine day;
  But ‘wed in haste and then repent’
  I heer’d as many folks did say.

  “But now, thinks I, there’s sure no fear
  Through too much haste o’ goin’ wrong;

  “An’, anyways, at eighty year
  I can’t repent fur wery long.”