A.P.H.

* * * * *

    “Lord Robert Cecil, who has been appointed to take charge of
    League of Notions questions at the peace conference.”—­Provincial
    Paper.

We don’t like this cynicism.

* * * * *

    “There is a ‘suave qui peut’ at the underground stations during
    the busiest hours.”—­Provincial Paper.

Personally we had not noticed it, being more struck (in the tenderer portions of our anatomy) by the “fortiter in re.”

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

    “The ——­ Mosquito Destroyer Coil. 1s.  Perfectly Safe for
    mosquitoes.”—­Advt. in Burmese Paper.

* * * * *

    “MORE LATE TRAINS.  IMPROVED SERVICE ON G.E.R.”—­Times.

An aggrieved East Anglian writes to know how the trains can be made later than they are.

* * * * *

    “WELCOME TO PRESIDENT WILSON,
    HONOURED CHIEF OF THE GREAT AMERICAN DEMOCRACY,

    “To which we are attached by traditional lies.”—­Headline in
    Italian Paper.

Once more tradditore has turned traditore.

* * * * *

    “At the doorway stood a Red Cross doctor, hypodermic needle in
    hand, ready to administer an injunction to relieve sufferers of
    their pain.”—­Daily Paper.

We thought it was only lawyers who believed in the tranquillizing effect of an injunction.

* * * * *

“FOR SALE.—­A Chest C.B.  Gelding.  Aged 41/2 years.  Height 14 feet 3 inches, Veterinary Certificate of soundness.  Schooled since August.  Very promising pony all round.  Nice surefooted fencer.  Price Rs. 650.  Apply to Brigadier-General ——.”—­Indian Paper.

We gather that whatever he may have done in the past the gallant officer does not intend to “ride the high horse” any longer.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE WORLD’S DESIRE.

PEACE (outside the Allied Conference Chamber).  “I KNOW I SHALL HAVE
TO WAIT FOR A WHILE; BUT I DO HOPE THEY WON’T TALK TOO MUCH.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Mabel (on seeing some shoes of war-time quality newly-arrived on approval).  “MUMMIE, ARE THEY REAL CARDBOARD?”]

* * * * *

THE OPIUM HOUND.

Philip is a solicitor whose solicitations are confined to Hongkong and the Far East generally.  Just now he is also a special constable, for the duration.  He is other things as well, but the above should serve as a general introduction.

In his capacity as special constable he keeps an eagle eye upon the departing river steamers and the passengers purposing to travel in them, his idea being to detect them in the act of attempting to export opium without a permit, one of the deadly sins.