* * * * *

[Illustration:  THAT “DEMOBILISED” FEELING.]

* * * * *

THE WEARY TITAN.

  Weary of the labours of war-winning—­
    Downing mandarins in Downing Street,
  Fixing brands of CAIN upon the sinning,
    Bingeing up the Army and the Fleet;
  Weary of dislodging Kings and Kaisers,
    Wearier of his friends than of his foes,
  Prompted by his medical advisers
    He has wandered South to seek repose.

  There to ease his cranial distension
    He will lead the simple life, incog.,
  Far from international dissension
    Or upheavals of the under-dog;
  Leaving all unread his weekly Hansard,
    Studying only novels at his meals,
  Leaving correspondence all unanswered,
    Deaf to FOCH’S passionate appeals.

  There, no longer rashly overtasking
    Powers impaired by superhuman strain,
  But amid exotic foliage basking,
    He will rest his monumental brain,
  Till refreshed, daemonic and defiant,
    Clad in dazzling amaranthine sheen,
  He emerges like a godlike giant
    Once again to dominate the scene.

  There, recumbent in a chair with rockers,
    Oft will he indulge in forty winks,
  Or, attired in well-cut knickerbockers,
    Decorate the landscape on the links;
  Or, with arms upon his bosom folded,
    He will stand as motionless as bronze,
  While his features, classically moulded,
    Hourly grow more like NAPOLEON’S.

  What the Conference will do without him
    Hardly can we venture to surmise;
  Delegates who would not dare to flout him
    Manifest their joy without disguise. 
  Freed from his relentless catechizing
    WILSON goes out golfing all the day;
  Printers, save for common advertising,
    Sadly put their pica type away.

  Still, although this act of self-seclusion
    May create irreparable schism,
  Whelm the Conference in dire confusion
    And produce a cosmic cataclysm;
  Let us, musing on his past achievement,
    Bear with calm our soul-consuming grief
  And condole in their supreme bereavement
    With his Staff, deserted by their Chief.

* * * * *

    “COWS, PIGS, ETC.

    “GIRL (15), leaving school, desires position in nice office or
    bank.”—­Local Paper.

Much virtue in “etc.”

* * * * *

    “Mrs. Wilson waved her bouquet of orchards in salutation.”—­Local
    Paper.

So there is every reason to believe that the PRESIDENT’S visit was not fruitless.

* * * * *

    “No one under 4ft. 9in. has any chance of securing admission to
    the London police.”—­Cork Constitution.